Written by: The MQ

Top Ten Ways the Elf on the Shelf Has Ruined Your Life

  1. Got your son used to a surveillance state
  2. Took the Christ out of Christmas
  3. Entombed you into the cellar after the promise of a cask of Martinelli’s
  4. Confirmed your suspicions of spousal infidelity
  5. He spent way too much on his secret santa gift and made you look bad
  6. Your landlord added him to the lease and now you’re paying double
  7. He teamed up with your rich tennis rival to kick your ass at doubles
  8. He went to a local frat party and gave you COVID
  9. He ruined the job prospects of the Mensch on a Bench
  10. His birthday is on Christmas and that makes it weird

The premier satire magazine at UC San Diego.

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