Top Ten Ways the Elf on the Shelf Has Ruined Your Life
- Got your son used to a surveillance state
- Took the Christ out of Christmas
- Entombed you into the cellar after the promise of a cask of Martinelli’s
- Confirmed your suspicions of spousal infidelity
- He spent way too much on his secret santa gift and made you look bad
- Your landlord added him to the lease and now you’re paying double
- He teamed up with your rich tennis rival to kick your ass at doubles
- He went to a local frat party and gave you COVID
- He ruined the job prospects of the Mensch on a Bench
- His birthday is on Christmas and that makes it weird
The premier satire magazine at UC San Diego.
