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ArticlesCampusNews

UCSD Announces New Solution to Student Housing Shortage: Plague

Written by: Melina Cruz

Sources report a stressed out student was heard saying, “I have a midterm tomorrow. If I get the plague, then I get the plague.”Photo by Jack Yang …

ArticlesLocalNews

SoCal Moms Poison Trees to Capture Fall Aesthetic

Written by: Lily Tholfsen and Isabelle Rupani

Miller shared with reporters: “I have an autumn complexion, so my yard needs one too!”Photo by Jade Coniglio A local Homeowner’s Association has mandated that every …

ArticlesCampusNews

UCSD Professor Assigns Controversial Vibe Check Instead of Midterm

Written by: Sharon Roth

Sources later confirmed that none of the answers were correct. Photo by Jack Yang Dr. Frank N. Stein of UC San Diego made waves in the …

ArticlesCampusNews

Promiscuous Frat Boy Misinterprets Title of “Halloweenie” Cookout

Written by: Andrew Sitko

The fraternity reportedly had to cancel their upcoming hot dog fest due to this incident.Photo by Jack Yang First-year Austin Smang was arrested at the University …

ArticlesCampusNewsUncategorized

Headless Horseman Accepted into UCSD, Considered “Perfect Fit” for Campus

Written by: Aniela Drumonde

The Headless Horseman reportedly felt stress at one point in his life, but “just got over it.”Photo by Jack Yang In a move one anonymous source …

ArticlesCampusNews

UCSD Wi-Fi Found To Be Powered by a Naked Mole Rat

Written by: Bri Arce

Upon hearing the news, a faculty member from the biology department said, “Oh, so that’s where they go.”Photo by Jack Yang The cause of recent internet …

ArticlesLocalNewsTech

Manly Flavors Offered for New Male Birth Control

Written by: Matthew Miltimore

Unlike women’s birth control, this can be purchased over the counter, and at lower prices.Photo by Sharon Roth In an effort to make hormonal birth control options …

ArticlesLocalNews

Student Pissed-Off That God Gives Meaning of Life Instead of Helping Pass Final

Written by: Arthur Torres

“Fuck God and morality, I just need that A,” said Manson.Photo by Jack Yang Kenneth Manson, formerly an atheist, has recently declared his “hatred for God.” Manson’s …

ArticlesCampusNews

Local Student Outraged That Nobody Cares He is TikTok Famous

Written by: Megan Cox

After the incident, Adamec received an endorsement offer from IHOP.Photo by Jade Coniglio There was an incident at the La Jolla Denny’s last Friday when servers …

ArticlesLocalNews

Man Only Wears Designer “Supreme” Streetwear After Near-God Experience

Written by: Mariah Barrios

In response to Lee’s new perspective on life, God said, “Let your wallet be light.”Photo by Sharon Roth Second-year UCSD student Joseph Lee has gained notoriety …