Briefs

Briefs

Senior Continues Tradition of Missing Deadlines

Written by: The MQ

Fourth year Gabriel Evans has extended his stay at UCSD by one quarter and enrolled in classes for Fall 2017 as a result of missing his …

Briefs

Local Frat Has Tear-Filled Final Butt-Chugging Contest of the Year

Written by: The MQ

Local frat Phi Chi Psi’s final butt-chugging contest of the year was filled with heartfelt moments and meaningful speeches that attempted to capture the scary nature …

Briefs

Student Writes 220-Word Paper in 30 Minutes

Written by: The MQ

Okay, good stuff, gonna get this paper done, it will be great. First things first, music. Oh man, I have not listened to Coldplay in a …

Briefs

“Kiss Me, I’m Irish” Shirt Too Barf Ridden To Be Considered Green

Written by: Barak Tzori

O’Drunkagain’s Pub in South Boston has reportedly refused service to longtime patron Sam Kennedy this St. Patrick’s Day, stating his “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” shirt could …

Briefs

Man Discovers Other Religions “Not Just Different Forms of Catholicism”

Written by: Cole Greenbaun

Area man Jeff Matalazano recently discovered in a “light conversation about anti-Semitism,” that most other religions are not “just Catholicism without Jesus in some parts.” “I’m …

Briefs

Up and Coming Indie Artist to Release Anthology of Hits as First Album

Written by: Lawrence Lee

Indie pop duo “Jen and Eric” is slated to self-release their first record next week, titled “Greatest Hits Vol. 1,” a compilation of their most popular …

Briefs

Local Student Yells Into Echo Chamber, Feels Better About Future of America

Written by: The MQ

Local student Garry Vikati was concerned about the future of America, until he was finally able to yell into an echo chamber this past week. Vikati …

Briefs

Conservatives Boycott Snow White Due to “Seven Sinful Dwarves”

Written by: Sage Cristal

Conservatives across the nation are launching a mass boycott against a remake of the Disney film “Snow White and the Seven Dwarves,” declaring, “We are outraged …

Briefs

Grandmother Unaware Phones Work Both Ways

Written by: The MQ

Eliza Barker, matriarch of the Barker multimedia conglomerate, caused “family drama” last week when she off-handedly mentioned at a reunion dinner that her 22-year-old granddaughter Tiffany …

Briefs

Browns Receive Second Round Pick in Trade, Also Q.B. Brock Osweiler

Written by: The MQ

A spokesperson for the Cleveland Browns announced last week that the team’s management is ecstatic that they’ve received a second-round pick in a trade with the …