Local frat Phi Chi Psi’s final butt-chugging contest of the year was filled with heartfelt moments and meaningful speeches that attempted to capture the scary nature of change.

“I just don’t know what I’ll do without you guys,” Bill Teunoi solemnly choked out while tearfully shoving a bottle of vodka in his anus. “Like, one day, you are getting to know all these cool dudes, and before you realize it you’re putting your final shot of tequila in your butt.”

Frat member Keith Willshire recounted the time he and his brothers slightly inconvenienced the employees of a Denny’s. “We asked for a table of 20,” snickered Willshire. “And only tipped 15 percent.”

“We were real assholes,” yelled out Jim Arickson who was pouring some chaser into his asshole. “Y’all remember that time we almost went to a club, but instead decided to stay home and shove bear cans in our butt?”

“Yeah, those were good times,” commented Jared Williams, while letting out single tear, realizing that these were the times he would look back upon later in his life as “the good old times.”