Volume 23 Issue 7
Top Ten Reasons You’re Not Getting Your Security Deposit Back
All the blood You cleaned too rigorously and dissolved the top of the floor There’s no training wheel equivalent when it comes to property ownership The …
Top Ten Ways You Know You Peaked in High School
You’re still wearing your letterman jacket four years later Most of your conversations with friends begin with, “Hey, remember that time in precalc…” You occasionally email …
Top Ten Similarities Between Your Midterm and Your Estranged Father
They both failed you Sprung up on you in the middle of your biology class Still surprisingly good at making you feel insecure You have a …
Top Ten Similarities between UCSD on Move-Out Day and the San Diego Zoo
You spent a majority of the time being hopelessly lost Someone keeps playing “Who Let the Dogs Out?” and it stopped being funny hours ago Parking …
Top Fifteen Hobbies Too Extreme for Your Mom to Know About
Driving five over the speed limit Purposefully stepping on cracks Avoiding having to call your grandparents Competitive sleeping Going outside with wet hair Embezzlement Tightrope walking …
Area Student Finally “gets” Own Sense of Humor, “Hahaha”
Local student Kevin Chu realized, moments before graduation, that he had achieved his four-year goal of comprehending his own sense of humor. “Hahhahahahaaha,” laughed Chu to …
Senior Continues Tradition of Missing Deadlines
Fourth year Gabriel Evans has extended his stay at UCSD by one quarter and enrolled in classes for Fall 2017 as a result of missing his …
Local Frat Has Tear-Filled Final Butt-Chugging Contest of the Year
Local frat Phi Chi Psi’s final butt-chugging contest of the year was filled with heartfelt moments and meaningful speeches that attempted to capture the scary nature …
Student Writes 220-Word Paper in 30 Minutes
Okay, good stuff, gonna get this paper done, it will be great. First things first, music. Oh man, I have not listened to Coldplay in a …
Top Ten Reasons to Go Nocturnal This Summer
Dim lighting will hide all of your flaws Your cat won’t have any excuse to ignore you Everyone knows that night school is night cool You …
