Written by: The MQ

Fourth year Gabriel Evans has extended his stay at UCSD by one quarter and enrolled in classes for Fall 2017 as a result of missing his final paper’s deadline for his last major class, LTWR 148.

Evans, who has a history of missing deadlines, is heralding this transgression as the spark that will light a fire under his ass and push him to work harder.

“I’m getting a head start on planning my next quarter,” Evans said.

“The first planner is for essays and classes. The other one is for the fall Hulu Plus lineup. There’s no way I’m missing ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ again.”

“I even granted him an extension,” said Professor Ari Libbey, the most recent instructor to fall victim to the ratings hit that comes with failing a student. “My colleagues had warned me about his chronic incompetence to follow the simplest of rules, and I still couldn’t do enough.”

Evans remains hopeful that he’ll “shed the sins of his past” and get back on track.

“I missed this graduation, and the one before, but I’m sure I’ll be able to pull it together and get the next graduation on time.”

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