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Area man Jeff Matalazano recently discovered in a “light conversation about anti-Semitism,” that most other religions are not “just Catholicism without Jesus in some parts.”

“I’m honestly shocked,” said Matalazano. “I knew all about how the Torah was the Old Testament, but I had no idea that Jesus’ arrival caused so much hoo-ha creating all these ‘differences.’”

Matalazano reportedly was also unaware that the Qu’ran was not just “the Bible’s less popular and less well-written sequel.”

“I was taught two things in Sunday school: 1) condoms only work 30 percent of the time and 2) that we Catholics practiced the original and most important religion,” said Matalazano. “I’m not saying I don’t respect other religions; I just didn’t know they were so different.”

Matalazano decided to address his ignorance by researching other religions. His research primarily consisted of asking his Jewish friends questions such as, “Wait, so why is Jesus not the best? … in your eyes, of course.”

According to Matalazano’s Indian roommate, he has not yet discovered that Hinduism is not just “worshipping God but with more arms and cows.”

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