A spokesperson for the Cleveland Browns announced last week that the team’s management is ecstatic that they’ve received a second-round pick in a trade with the Houston Texans. Also included in the trade was quarterback Brock Osweiler.

“This draft pick is just what we needed to get the team back on track,” said the Browns’ head coach Hue Jackson. “The guys have been looking for the inspiration, leadership, and athletic prowess this second-round pick will bring to the team.”

The Texans expressed disappointment that they could not maintain their relationship with the second-round pick, but wished it good fortune in its future in the NFL. “We have nothing but good things to say about this draft pick. It took us far this season, but unfortunately it was attached to Osweiler and had to go,” said Coach Bill O’Brien as he accepted a congratulatory glass of champagne from John Elway.

Jackson outlined the Browns’ plan for the next season. “After we drop Osweiler’s dead weight, this second-round pick is going to take us to the Super Bowl, or at least to a record where our losses are only three times greater than our wins.”

Osweiler could not be reached for comment. He was last seen missing targets over the mountains of Montana.

Written by: Summer Davis