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I’m So Excited Daddy’s Coming Home!

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Okay, I am SO excited right now! Even more excited than last week when Ms. Johnson said my self-portrait looked like a sick monkey, which is …

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Satan Declares Rap Superstar Fetty Wap “Not a Real Devil Worshiper”

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The Dark Lord Satan, also known as Beelzebub, announced his disdain towards popular rapper Fetty Wap in a press conference Tuesday. The press conference, held in …

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Nick Jonas Produces “Brokeback Mountain” Remake, Plays All Roles

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After his stunning role as a shirtless, gay MMA Fighter in “Kingdom,” his role as a shirtless, gay frat boy in “Scream Queens,” and as a …

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Developer of “Melted Ice” Releases New Product Line: “Condensed Steam”

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A rising star in the refreshment industry, Pepperson, Co., recently announced the much anticipated release of Condensed Steam (patent pending). Pryce Pepperson, CEO of Pepperson, Co., …

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KKK Adjusts to Social Climate with New Progressive Corporate Policies

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The KKK released their plan to incorporate new progressive policies last week, in an attempt to recruit new liberal members, and gain support in their effort …

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Elon Musk Plans Underwater Mars Colony

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SpaceX CEO Elon Musk recently released an ambitious plan to colonize Mars, finding a way to make his lifelong fetish of living on the Red Planet …

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UCSD Requires Integrity Tutorial, Pre-Med Students More Cutthroat Than Ever

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Incoming UCSD freshmen and transfers were surprised in October when they received an email requiring that they complete an “academic integrity tutorial.” Upon opening the email, …

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Local Instagram Users Capture Never-Before-Seen Sunset

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A group of Instagrammers managed to photograph what they described as “a sunset like no one had ever seen in the transition between WebMD’s list of …

ArticlesEditorialOpinion

At Least My Dead Son Didn’t Have Autism

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I am a mom who cares about her kids. A lot. That’s why when my currently dead child’s doctor told me that my now-dead son would …

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Toupee Manufacturer Severs Ties with GOP Candidate Donald Trump

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Toupee manufacturer Faux Follicles for Falluses, Inc. formally rescinded its support for prospective GOP candidate Donald Trump in a press conference Friday. Though the company initially …