Articles
Area Man Eats Entire Country of Turkey for Thanksgiving
Otto Seljuk, 23-year-old San Diego resident, has reportedly consumed the entire country of Turkey over the course of the Thanksgiving holiday, according to relatives and eyewitnesses. …
Guy in Lecture Won’t Stop Talking, Is Possibly Professor
A recent audit of a 3 p.m. Math 18 lecture has revealed the long-unidentified man who will not stop talking during lecture. Several conflicting sources pointed …
In Aftermath of California Wildfires, Trump Bans Leaves
President Trump enacted an executive order on Monday December 3, to ban leaves scattered on forest floors. Because wildfires in California have led to significant damage …
International Students Camp Out in Gilman Parking Structure Since They Can’t Go Home for Christmas
International students at UCSD have started to prepare their stay at Gilman Parking Structure during Winter Break, having no other place to stay during the three …
Local Renaissance Faire Holiday Feast Serves Blood of a Heretic Instead of Turkey
A local Renaissance faire “spiced up” their Thanksgiving feast this year with authentic medieval cuisine, including the boiled blood of a heretic. “I’m just happy to …
Area Manager Voices Confusion About Why Employees “Just Keep Striking”
On Friday, November 30, local manager Craig Henser released a statement regarding his workers’ recent massive strike over pay cuts and reduced benefits, stating, “I understand …
Chancellor Khosla to Present “Holiday Gift” to UC San Diego Community
UC San Diego Chancellor Pradeep Khosla will present the UC San Diego community with a “holiday gift” this Friday in honor of the University’s commitment to …
New Starbucks Cups Anger Groups
The greatly anticipated annual designs for Starbucks’ 2018 holiday cups have finally arrived, and this year, they reportedly feature multiple patterns. Hoping to skirt controversy, Starbucks …
After Positive Reception of “Detective Pikachu” Movie, SEGA Announces Upcoming “Secret Agent Sonic”
Director Pete Docter has expressed confidence that Secret Agent Sonic will surpass the popularity of Detective Pikachu. “Seriously, a talking pokemon? Not to mention realistic, furry …
Why Does This College Named After Me Have so Little Plant Life?
It used to be an honor to be attached to a UCSD college. In the ghost world, I secured loads of connections just by pointing that …
