Boats Wash Ashore in Revelle Quad After Stuart Art Collection Piece is Mistaken for Lighthouse

Written by: Jack Yang

The grounded sub was soon declared the newest Stuart Art Collection piece.
Photo by: Stephen Lightfoot

Recent heavy rain has led countless of boats in attempt to dock around the Revelle Quad. Sailors claimed that they had mistaken the new Stuart Art Collection piece “What Hath God Wrought?” for a local lighthouse.

The piece has drawn attention beyond students and faculty on campus, as ships of every size and shape converged on campus amid a storm that hit the California coastline. Since then, the walkways and public areas have been filled with seafarers looking to hit the pub, explore the area, or sell their catch of the day.

In a recent interview with Wilhelm Whittaker University student Culpepper Washington, a Yacht beached near Galbraith has been identified as part of his school’s study abroad program. “Yeah, all us Whittaker kids came aboard the ‘Yachtyssey’ on an ‘academic expedition’ related to South American history and cultures. Although it’s been fun exploring foreign lands, I’ll admit I was too busy getting high to really pay attention during our Spanish classes, as was most of the class. But it’s cool to finally visit San Domingo.”

Meanwhile, a small, military-class submarine was found lodged in the Revelle Plaza fountain. Submarine Commander Daniel H. Pinckney, visible only through a gap in the sub’s jammed entry hatch, explained that the underwater vehicle was in a covert military operation before coming ashore. “Are you telling me this isn’t our unit’s classified rendezvous location? The coded phrase, ‘What Hath God Wrought,’ was the Pentagon’s signal reserved for emergencies only — this is a breach of national security! Don’t you dare move! We have to investigate everyone present for espionage — as soon as we can get out of this vessel.”

However, of all the boats that arrived on campus this week, none caused more commotion than the Flying Dutchman, which was run aground just behind 64 Degrees. Captain Hendrick Van Der Decken, the missing navigator of the legendary boat lost to time, was found attempting to trade silver bullion and glass beads at Roger’s Market. “Since coming ashore, the natives have traded with us exotic fruits of the New World,” said Van Der Decken, gesturing towards a pallet of Smuckers’ Uncrustables and Pringles. “A colony here may see great returns for the Dutch East India Company, and I intend to send an envoy to His Majesty immediately. However, most of my crew has been undone by a terrible case of Measles, and the prospect of a voyage returning home now seems rather difficult. Of course, I am vaccinated, as only a fool would act as if they were in such a less advanced time and let themselves succumb to such a preventable plague.”

As skies clear and the campus starts getting more sunny weather, the Stuart Art Collection has claimed the stranded boats as an original form of installation art. However, in a message to the UCSD community, Chancellor Khosla claims that he “won’t be fooled,” and warns that parking citations for the ships will be distributed immediately.

Graphics Editor at The MQ | Website

Digital cowboy. Graphics lad. Future Doc Pep Brand Ambassador.

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