UCSD Offers Meth Class After Typo

Written by: Adam Yoshinaga

“I am the lecture. I am the one who chalks,” said guest lecturer Walter White.
Photo by: Stephen Lightfoot

On January 7, a math professor expressed feeling stressed after seeing the three-page roster for his freshman seminar. A spelling mistake in UCSD’s app, WebReg, led to many students to enroll and waitlist in a class they thought centered around the drug methamphetamine. When students saw the first lecture slide titled “Math 87,” many were distraught. After taking an iClicker poll asking whether they were planning to drop the class, an overwhelming 99 percent responded “yes.” This lead to the professor’s new syllabus with course content to “satiate the students.”

The updated course syllabus was posted on TritonEd the night of the 7th, which included a weekly outline. Topics included, according to a student who wished to remain anonymous, the following: history of meth, meth in the modern day, finding the right dealer, avoiding homelessness, and as an optional Week 5 discussion, treatment of addiction.

The professor originally had his class in York 3050B, but after discovering the roster size, the class was forced to relocate to Pepper Canyon 122 in order to support the expanded class size. In order to accommodate the expected “instructional smoking demonstrations” of methamphetamine during class, PCYNH 122 had the fire alarms temporarily removed. Jesse Zhou, a pre-med student, recalled several students staying after class. “Yeah they were like there, but like, they weren’t. It was almost like they were, like, unconscious or something. Like, seriously? This is like a class that I’m, like, super interested and investing my time into! Like, these skinny ass dudes just come in and, like, aren’t taking this seriously and disrupt my learning experience? Like, what the hell? That, like, really pisses me off.” The professor later denounced Zhou’s statement, claiming that he “almost definitely appeared to be hallucinating.”

As a result of the dramatically increasing class size, the need for teaching assistants was soon addressed. In collaboration with Chancellor Khosla — who has allegedly been giving “twice as many grandiose speeches,” leading many to believe that he himself is an addict — several “area expert druggies” were hired in order to assist with the optional weekly “lab” where several “recreational practice activities” take place. One TA for the class, Taylor “Speedy” Gonzalez, said that he is excited for freshmen to explore the world of addiction. “I might not look so good, but I feel good. And I can teach you how to feel good. It’s all about the high, and I’m talkin’ ‘bout the higher education,” he added with a wink.

When students were asked their opinion on the class, their responses were overwhelmingly positive. “I wanna be the next Walter White,” said Bryan Black, explaining his motivations for starting the UCSD Highsenberg Club. Mary Ashburn, currently number two on the waitlist for the class, expressed concern, stating, “I don’t think the 10 percent rule applies here, and I really need this class for my, um, my minor.”

The professor recently announced plans to eventually expand the course to a new major, Methamatics, which will focus on the study of math while under the influence of meth. “We gonna add numbers til they make sense, and if they don’t, til we feel good about it … or feel good about something … Oh, and you won’t have to take the 20 series.”

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