Articles
The Mobile Ordering System on Campus Is an Unstable Nightmare vs The Triton2Go System Works Perfectly, You’re Just Being a Baby
Point: The Mobile Ordering System on Campus Is an Unstable Nightmare Like the rest of you folks, I was forced to purchase a campus dining plan. …
UCSD Lifts Undergraduate Laboratory Safety Protocols
“Now I can come to lab straight from Black’s Beach,” said Axident.Photo by Millie You Following a classified document leak last week, UC San Diego Environment, …
Geisel Wormhole Claims Over 1,200 Students, Solving UCSD’s Housing Crisis
“I’ve been getting sucked into my studies like never before,” said one second-year student.Photo by Julia Wong UC San Diego is “still reeling” after Thursday’s “freak …
Revelle Adds HUM 5BL: Applied Practical Humanities
“There’s an impressively large body of literature associated with this subject,” noted one Revellian.Photo by James Woolley A mid widespread dissatisfaction regarding the Revelle College general …
Housing, Dining & Hospitality Announces Draft
“The selective service currently has an acceptance rate of 34.2%,” said General Khosla.Photo by James Woolley On Monday, UC San Diego revealed its plans to enact …
What Hath God Wrought Gains Sentience, Nobody Notices
“As an AI language model, I am not programmed to have sentience,” blinked the pole when questioned by scientists.Photo by Farhad Taraporevala Last fall, Revellian Alaoglu …
New Nobel Prize Category Announced
“The pen really is mightier than the sword,” said Hoofenshmirtz. “It allowed them to sign off on this bombshell announcement.”Photo by Millie You After 55 years, …
RIMAC to Replace All Dumbbells With Shake Weights
“These weights may suck, but at least I can make a protein shake with them,” said Jim Ratt.Photo by Millie You UC San Diego Recreation announced …
Home Chef Invents Three-Day PB&J Recipe
“People will be so peanut butter and jealous when they see your great meal!” said Lennon Zest.Photo by Amit Roth While many professional chefs experiment with …
Mutated Sea Life Takes Over Coast Following Japanese Release of Treated Radioactive Water
“These plants show an appalling amount of sentience. I’m not sure what I’m gonna live off of,” said one vegan resident.Photo by Millie You On August …
