Point: The Mobile Ordering System on Campus Is an Unstable Nightmare

Like the rest of you folks, I was forced to purchase a campus dining plan. No big deal, I thought. I’d heard the food here was something real special, and as I’m fixin’ to be livin’ here for the foreseeable future, it meant I wouldn’t have to go into town to get me some grub. What could go wrong here? And then I got to campus. I took a gander at all my options before finally settling on Wolftown. Once inside, I approached a haggard looking HDH employee. “Howdy!” I said. “I would like—” She cut me off. “We’re only accepting mobile orders right now, sorry,” she said, then rushed off to complete what seemed like quite a massive backlog of orders. This was my first red flag: I wasn’t even aware of this doggone mobile ordering system. Secondly, that looked like a lot of orders, and yet, there was only one employee. “Maybe the rest are working in back!” I thought to myself. 

I downloaded this Triton2Go app, and got to the menu I was looking for. This was my second red flag: the app runs worse than my peepaw’s truck during a mudslide. And when I reached the menu, I found red flag number three: almost every option was unavailable. This would make sense if perhaps the sun was setting and the cows were coming home, but this was 12:23 p.m., if you good people would believe it! But what I saw next shook me in my boots. The wait time. Three hours!!! Three hours for a single bean and cheese burrito! I was shocked, aghast, flabbergasted, and positively hornswoggled. For a school that takes so much of my hard earned cash, how could their basic (and mandatory!) dining plan be this terrible? Needless to say, I canceled my order and have been subsisting off lonesome canned beans
ever since. 

Counterpoint: The Triton2Go System Works  Perfectly, You’re Just Being a Baby

As someone who was given the magnificent privilege of possessing the dining plan, I would consider myself a bit of an expert on this wonderful system. And to all you naysayers, I have but one thing to say: WAHHHHH (that’s what you sound like) WAHHHHHH (you’re being a baby). All of these so-called “red flags” you have about this magnificent digital culinary procurement experience sounds to me like the wails of a little baby in the morning. I shall henceforth dismantle all of your pathetic little “points” with my impeccable rhetorical logos.

“Red Flag” number one: you claim that being sent away for ordering in person by someone working alone is somehow a bad thing? Ha! Who in the twenty-first century wants to talk to another person, face to face? What are we, cavemen? Grunting at our cave-mates, as if to say “Grug want food?” A laughable concept! And to your complaint of the solo worker, my response is the same. Perhaps they wanted to work a heavy shift alone. Solitude builds character, not that you’d know anything about character. 

“Red Flag” number two: you claim the app runs poorly? Of course it does. It has no legs, moron. Read a book.

“Red Flag” number three: somehow you’ve convinced yourself that fewer options are a bad thing? What, like you need more than one type of burrito? I’ll gladly take a streamlined, tried-and-true menu over a confusing plethora of made up words any day. For example, what on God’s green earth is a “taco
bowl?” Ridiculousness.

And for your final and most laughable point, you complain about the wait time? Any culinary aficionado like myself knows that you can’t rush art. Now, if you’ll excuse me, the sandwich I ordered last Monday is finally ready. Farewell.