Editorial
I Joined Four Different D&D Campaigns to Avoid My Own Trauma
(Art by Marcela Longhini) By Jaquelline Dalavash Avid D&D Campaigner Dungeons and Dragons has a reputation for being a nerdy game of dice, hexagons, and plastic …
How I Went From Lexa-Amateur to Lexapro
By Cleo Armstrong Emotionally Numb Bad Bitch Like you all, 2020 has hit me hard. I’m unemployed. Paying rent gets harder and harder every month. My …
What the Fuck, Guys?
By George Washington Cursed Ghost Hey everyone. It’s me. George Washington. I’ve been haunting America since I died. Apparently, I can’t move on now because people …
If 2020 Fucked Everyone, Then How Come I’m Still A Virgin?
By Trenton Toland Freshman Incel When I heard the Fox News Financial Analyst say “2020 fucked everyone,” my initial thought was, “Sweet! Now I don’t have …
Even I, A Poli Sci Major, Have No Idea What the Fuck is Going On
By Jeremy Rossi Fourth-year Poli Sci Student Oftentimes my friends come to me for my hot takes on current events. And who could blame them? As …
Someone, Please Eat My Hasselback Potatoes
I am stupefied. I just took a tray of Hasselback potatoes out of the oven, and for what? Am I about to eat multiple baked potatoes …
Back in My Day, We Had Plague Doctors and That Was Rad as Fuck
Everyone seems to have an opinion on what doctors are doing nowadays, so I want to take this time to speak up for ghosts everywhere because …
Local Dog Claims “I Actually Don’t Need to Go on Anymore Walks”
All my family does is take me on walks anymore. I am trying to be a good girl, but I am tired. It all started the …
A Letter Regarding Coronavirus
Dear Valued Customer, We’ve been carefully watching and tracking the progression of this pandemic since the very beginning. At a Company You Gave Your Email to …
I am a Simple Tomato and Bon Appetit Cooked Me 47 Different Ways. This is My Story.
Here’s the thing — I’m a tomato. Yes, I shouldn’t be able to type. I don’t even have thumbs. But have you ever been so pissed …
