Editorial
Put Your Children’s Future in My Capable, Perfectly Manicured Hands and You Won’t Regret It
America, I am here to tell you that all of your youths are in safe hands. I cannot say yet exactly whose hands those will be …
My Sincere Apology to the American People
Okay, so I know my most recent apology wasn’t that great, and I accept that. I am a big man, the biggest man, and I know …
Marvel’s Luke Cage: Bulletproof Logic
After finally making my way through all 13 hours of the new Netflix TV show, Marvel’s Luke Cage, I have to say I’m impressed. This being …
That Rainbow in the Sky is Too Radical
I saw a rainbow in the sky yesterday, right in between a cloud and a patch of blue, and I’m not saying I have a problem …
Bus Driver Giveth, Taketh Away, Doesn’t Let You On
You are in line for the bus. The line wraps around the corner of the block, towards the bottomless abyss of Never Getting to Class on …
What’s With All This Hullabaloo About Hamilton?
As a historian, I am naturally inclined to be excited when anything historical becomes a subject of interest outside of my field. However, I am truly …
Figurative Language: As Useless as a Hole-Filled Umbrella during a Hailstorm
Figurative language. Nothing is more confusing to me than the use of figurative language. I don’t understand why everyone feels the need to use all of …
America’s Soup: A Great White Cream of Diversity
Think of the United States not as a great melting pot of steels and irons, but as a large cauldron cooking up a mighty fine Texas …
Hoverboards Are an Atrocity And Must Be Stopped!
Hoverboards. Let me tell you something about these rolling, devil-worshipping machines. You may have seen kids rolling around on these horrible contraptions, wobbling around like they …
Is It Just Me, or Is the Canadian Liberal Party’s Election Like the Quagga’s Extinction?
Normally, I would not associate myself with the quintessentially leftist and subversive media. However, given the severity of the political climate of our northern neighbor, I …
