Editorial
Figurative Language: As Useless as a Hole-Filled Umbrella during a Hailstorm
Figurative language. Nothing is more confusing to me than the use of figurative language. I don’t understand why everyone feels the need to use all of …
America’s Soup: A Great White Cream of Diversity
Think of the United States not as a great melting pot of steels and irons, but as a large cauldron cooking up a mighty fine Texas …
Hoverboards Are an Atrocity And Must Be Stopped!
Hoverboards. Let me tell you something about these rolling, devil-worshipping machines. You may have seen kids rolling around on these horrible contraptions, wobbling around like they …
Is It Just Me, or Is the Canadian Liberal Party’s Election Like the Quagga’s Extinction?
Normally, I would not associate myself with the quintessentially leftist and subversive media. However, given the severity of the political climate of our northern neighbor, I …
I’m So Excited Daddy’s Coming Home!
Okay, I am SO excited right now! Even more excited than last week when Ms. Johnson said my self-portrait looked like a sick monkey, which is …
At Least My Dead Son Didn’t Have Autism
I am a mom who cares about her kids. A lot. That’s why when my currently dead child’s doctor told me that my now-dead son would …
