Tech
SHEIN Starts Selling Clothing Made of Antimatter
Order tracking has become complicated, as the post office cannot provide both the shipping address and delivery date.Photo by Amit Roth Fast-fashion retailer SHEIN, famous for …
CHIPS and Science Act Relieves Salsa Surplus
“I don’t know why everybody keeps talking about Taiwan,” said Jaquelin Schwarz. “I think Mexico has the best chips.Photo by Julia Wong Months after the passage …
Jeff Bezos Releases Best-selling Novel, “If You Give a Minimum Wage Worker Respect”
Bezos is slated to release a sequel next year, titled If You Give Your Wife Respect.Photo by James Woolley Last Wednesday, former Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos …
Cutting-Edge Computer Virus Sweeps Through Campus
“This would be a beautiful sight if my essay wasn’t on that computer,” one student commented.Photo By Maria Dhilla On Thursday afternoon, the cybersecurity office at …
Photoshop Object Select Stops Identifying Women, Claims They Are Not Objects
“Good thing I still have MS Paint on my computer,” said Dugnutt. “Microsoft doesn’t give a shit about objectifying women.”Photo By Sharon Roth Recently, Adobe has …
UCSD Announces Virtual Classes To Be Held in the Metaverse
“Many of you have asked about a grading curve,” said one professor. “Well let me introduce you to a product that keeps YOURcurves in top condition.”Photo …
Count Ejacula Confirms New Line of Male-Enhancing Drugs
Coming to your preferred pornographic platform soon, Count Ejacula’s newest series of male enhancement drugs, including the infamous “VampiraMax Ultra Plus,” promises to “turn your droopy …
Hanukkah Cut to Seven Days Due to Oil Shortage
“The oil lasting for eight days was no miracle,” said Zelda. “Back then, people didn’t live under Joe Biden’s gas prices.”Photo by Sharon Roth As the holiday …
Facebook Whistleblower Reveals the Internet is Still a Giant Cesspool
“FaceBOOK? Kids these days won’t even know what those things are,” complained one spokesperson.Photo by Jack Yang An ex-employee of Facebook has come forward with a set …
President Xi Jinping’s Family-Friendly, Close-Up Magic TikTok Series Goes Viral
After the new plan was enacted on the platform, tensions have reportedly risen between the BTS Army and the People’s Liberation Army.Photo by Sharon Roth Since the …
