Politics
El Chapo Given Pardon by Trump, Becomes New Secretary of Commerce
Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman, the former leader of the Sinaloa Cartel who was recently convicted on drug trafficking charges, has been given a presidential pardon in …
Trump Space Force Returns From Reconnaissance Mission, Reveals That Space Is “Just Like Halo”
A recon team from the Trump administration’s Space Force sent to explore the universe in mid-2018 has finally returned from their mission outside the solar system. …
Navy SEALs Replaced With Actual Seals Due to Government Shutdown
Amid the political quagmire of the longest government shutdown in U.S. history, President Trump issued Executive Order 7683, which will begin a rebranding campaign aimed at …
Trump Sells Executive Branch on eBay, New President is Now Desmond Wilson, Age Four
Before the end of the government shutdown, Donald Trump has reportedly sold the Executive Branch on eBay to four-year-old Desmond Wilson. Trump, formerly known President of …
Editorial: I Wish I Could Make a Difference in Politics, but I Don’t Know How
Like many Americans, I want to make a valuable difference in my community, but it can seem overwhelming and hopeless. How much of a difference could …
Hillary Clinton Announces 2020 Presidential Run, Will Do Everything the Same as Last Time
Failed 2016 presidential candidate Hillary Clinton announced this week that she will pursue the presidency again in 2020 John Podesta will serve once again as her …
State of Emergency Admitted as 51st State
Despite common perception, the government instituted a significant change during the shutdown last month — the admission of a new state to the Union. The selection …
US Flag Lowered to Half-Mast Permanently
Following the mass shooting on Tuesday, the mass shooting on Wednesday, and the mass shooting on Thursday, President Donald Trump released a proclamation through the Office …
In Aftermath of California Wildfires, Trump Bans Leaves
President Trump enacted an executive order on Monday December 3, to ban leaves scattered on forest floors. Because wildfires in California have led to significant damage …
New Starbucks Cups Anger Groups
The greatly anticipated annual designs for Starbucks’ 2018 holiday cups have finally arrived, and this year, they reportedly feature multiple patterns. Hoping to skirt controversy, Starbucks …
