News
UCSD to Repaint Geisel Lobby After Redesign Blinds Students
“We want students to be drawn to the library like moths to a flame,” said Gibbons.Photo by Julia Wong Upon the recent unveiling of the new …
Local Christians Claim Halloween as a Precursor to Christmas
“I think I finally have my Jesus costume nailed down,” said one trick-or-treater.Photo by Farhad Taraporevala Last Sunday, a local Christian group called “Holy Spirit Halloweeners” …
Italy Elects Mussolini’s Reanimated Corpse as Prime Minister
Last week, Giorgia Meloni, who was expected to become Italy’s first female prime minister, stepped down as head of the Brothers of Italy Party. Meloni made …
Disney Announces Yet Another Muppet Movie
“I don’t really know what I want the plot to be yet,” said Jamesin, “but I know that Kermit’s gonna sing.”Photo by Sharon Roth Last week, …
Academic Integrity Violators Sent to Boingo’s Bathhouse
“I want you to grind really hard,” said Jerome Powell, chair of the Federal Reserve.Photo by Sharon Roth The previous motto of UC San Diego, “Plagiarize …
Student Fakes Her Own Death to Avoid Jury Duty
“RIP, and by that I mean rest in perjury,” said an anonymous student.Photo by Maria Dhilla After hearing the news that her roommate Ayla Burton passed …
President Dreám Announces Face Reveal
This past week, the newly-elected president of L’manburg announced to his constituents that he would be doing a “face reveal” following the conclusion of his campaign. …
Ninth College Construction Hits Rock Bottom
“Yeah, there were a few preventable issues,” admitted one engineer. “We probably should’ve done a dry run first.”Photo by Sharon Roth UC San Diego students who …
Student Shocked to Discover Pete Davidson is Now Dating Her Mother
“He has so many tattoos, I feel like it would be more special if he didn’t get one of my name,” said Jennifer Dong.Photo by James …
Mercedes Launches New Brake Line Subscription Service
“And I thought my car was crazy for making me pay for a gas subscription,” said Shapoor Laliwalla.Photo by Sharon Roth Last Thursday, Mercedes-Benz announced a …
