News
Amidst Recession Fears, U.S. Federal Reserve Adopts New Monetary Policy of “Get Your Money Up”
“I want you to grind really hard,” said Jerome Powell, chair of the Federal Reserve.Photo by Julia Wong After two quarters of negative economic growth and …
Minotaur Discovered in UCSD Tunnels
“There’s a minotaur in the tunnels? I call bullshit,” announced one fourth-year.Photo by Amit Roth It is common knowledge among UC San Diego students that there …
SHEIN Starts Selling Clothing Made of Antimatter
Order tracking has become complicated, as the post office cannot provide both the shipping address and delivery date.Photo by Amit Roth Fast-fashion retailer SHEIN, famous for …
CHIPS and Science Act Relieves Salsa Surplus
“I don’t know why everybody keeps talking about Taiwan,” said Jaquelin Schwarz. “I think Mexico has the best chips.Photo by Julia Wong Months after the passage …
The Wheels of Comedy Central Are Turning
“It really takes the laughter out of manslaughter,” stated Barney Medler.Photo by James Woolley On Wednesday, at a joint press conference held by the FBI and …
Local Horse Opposes Affordable Housing Development in Neighborhood
Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades — two things I’ll be chucking at the affordable houses!” proclaimed the horse.Photo by James Woolley In September …
Pirate Parrots Display “Matey Dance”
“Ahoy,” chirped the parrot, who then declined to give any further comment.Photo By Julia Wong Dr. Perry Keates, ornithologist, has spent the last 15 years studying …
Man Who Has “Never Had COVID” Discovers Devastating News About His “Allergy Flare-up”
“I finally figured out why none of his COVID tests came back positive. He takes the test tube liquid like a shot,” said Alex.Photo by James …
AI-Generated Images to Replace All Art Ever by 2024
“If I had to describe the type of art I’m making, I would say I’m in my RGB period,” said Hugh Mann.Photo by Julia Wong Last …
Khosla Announces Partnership with Saudi Arabia to Bring “The Segment” to UCSD Campus
“Mr. Khosla, tear down this wall!” cried Helsing.Photo by Gary Ficks Over the past year, UCSD has promised to increase its housing supply in an attempt …
