SHEIN Starts Selling Clothing Made of Antimatter

Written by: Sharon Roth

Order tracking has become complicated, as the post office cannot provide both the shipping address and delivery date.
Photo by Amit Roth

Fast-fashion retailer SHEIN, famous for their low prices and constantly-growing inventory, recently started a new trend: clothing made out of antimatter. Their advertisement for the new collection promised their clothing “is the bomb! Every particle has an antiparticle, and every person has their perfect outfit. You’ll make all the haters MAD — when antimatter touches ordinary matter, they annihilate each other, like mutually assured destruction. Available for a limited time only.”

This microtrend was popularized on TikTok by physics major and fashion influencer Billy “William” Higgs. He recently attempted to film an “unboxing haul” of SHEIN’s new antimatter clothes. However, just as he opened the package, the antimatter brushed against ordinary matter and exploded. Thankfully, Higgs emerged from the experience unharmed, albeit with singed eyebrows and a mild case of acute radiation poisoning.

“I’m honestly really disappointed,” Higgs said in the failed unboxing video, “I was so excited to take pictures in these new shirts! I mean, most of the stuff I buy from SHEIN falls apart after a few wears, but I didn’t even get to wear these shirts once.”

Despite Higgs’s bad experience, SHEIN is selling out of the antimatter shirts, jackets, and “jorts.” SHEIN is the first online store to sell antimatter clothing, as most other manufacturers avoid that material in favor of more stable ordinary matter. Before this launch, scientists had only been able to create mere nanograms of antimatter in high-speed collisions. In order to keep up with demand, SHEIN had to build its own particle accelerator at their production center in Guangzhou. Citizens concerned about the massive amounts of radioactive material being stored at the SHEIN Particle Accelerator (SPA) were assured that radiation leaching from the facility would cause them to “glow on the outside, just like they glow from the inside.”

An insider at the SPA said that workers are regularly exposed to ionizing radiation and radioactive matter, often without personal protective equipment. Underpaid workers regularly dispose of radioactive waste outside because there are currently no set disposal procedures for antipolyester-anticotton blends.

SHEIN recently held a press conference to promote their antimatter clothing and respond to anti-anticlothing critics. SHEIN’s CEO, Burt Lopez, likened demand for antimatter clothing to a black hole. “The consumer will spend money on anything, and they just keep on buying and buying.” He added that while it was not possible to minimize exposure to radioactive waste at the SPA, fewer workers have been seriously injured there than at SHEIN’s other production facilities.

SHEIN is looking to the future and is currently manufacturing clothing for the next microtrend. Fans of the antimatter t-shirts can look forward to revamped 2000s styles such as tank tops with spaghettification straps and the much-anticipated all-black outfit made of dark matter.

Graphics Editor at The MQ

Sharon was “born” in 1801. She inspired the Archie Comics, which later inspired the hit TV show Riverdale.

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