News
UCSD to Convert Individual Parking Spaces Into ‘Housing Solutions’
“When I came back from my 8 a.m. class, some asshole had parked his Prius in my living room,” complained one resident.Photo by Amit Roth UC …
Conan O’Brien Returns as Sixth College’s Namesake
The Conan O’Fryin barbecue began with a Cannon O’Brien 21-gun salute.Photo by Amit Roth After more than 21 years of sticking “passive-aggressive” Post-it Notes to their …
2,300 Waitlisted Students to Be Housed in Open Pit on RIMAC Field
“I was born in the darkness. You were merely assigned it as a freshman,” said one fourth-year student.Photo by Amit Roth Earlier this week, it was …
UCSD Introduces Temu’s ‘Just Walk In’ Technology After Issues Arise With Amazon’s ‘Just Walk Out’
“It’s supposed to be ‘walk in,’ not ‘drag out,’” said one customer.Photo by Julia Wong Starting this fall, UC San Diego introduced a new way to …
Costco Begins Selling Gilded Gasoline, Celebrated by Members for ‘Unbeatable Bargain Price’
“Panning is so last season. Hand me the siphon,” said one Costco member.Photo by Millie You This summer, Costco began selling 1-ounce pure gold bars online. …
UCSD Lifts Undergraduate Laboratory Safety Protocols
“Now I can come to lab straight from Black’s Beach,” said Axident.Photo by Millie You Following a classified document leak last week, UC San Diego Environment, …
Geisel Wormhole Claims Over 1,200 Students, Solving UCSD’s Housing Crisis
“I’ve been getting sucked into my studies like never before,” said one second-year student.Photo by Julia Wong UC San Diego is “still reeling” after Thursday’s “freak …
Revelle Adds HUM 5BL: Applied Practical Humanities
“There’s an impressively large body of literature associated with this subject,” noted one Revellian.Photo by James Woolley A mid widespread dissatisfaction regarding the Revelle College general …
Housing, Dining & Hospitality Announces Draft
“The selective service currently has an acceptance rate of 34.2%,” said General Khosla.Photo by James Woolley On Monday, UC San Diego revealed its plans to enact …
What Hath God Wrought Gains Sentience, Nobody Notices
“As an AI language model, I am not programmed to have sentience,” blinked the pole when questioned by scientists.Photo by Farhad Taraporevala Last fall, Revellian Alaoglu …
