“When I came back from my 8 a.m. class, some asshole had parked his Prius in my living room,” complained one resident.
Photo by Amit Roth
UC San Diego Chancellor Pradeep Khosla has announced that, in an effort to reduce the impacts of the housing shortage on students, parking spaces in the Pangea Parking Structure will be converted into individual dormitories. It was revealed in the announcement that the move was inspired by the “tiny house” trend, which Khosla said he “greatly admires” because “it allows students to get a taste of owning something, which they likely won’t ever get to do over the course of their miserable, beggarly lives.” The university expects the new dorms to be an “exciting and unique” way for students that need to live and work on campus to “build community, experience carbon monoxide hallucinations, and spread infectious diseases.”
Khosla also unveiled blueprints and artists’ renditions of these dwellings, noting that this was his “Good Deed of the Day” since it “finally gave those deadbeat art majors something to do.” Some of the amenities featured in these dormitories include half of a Murphy bed, a window made from a single Minecraft glass block, and an absence of “clutter” like tables and chairs “for your cleaning convenience!” Out of the planned 948 rooms, the eight units built on former EV charging spots will not include an HVAC system in order to “preserve the spirit of environmentalism.”
The reactions from the student body were mixed. Student Hunter House conveyed his optimism about these new dorms. “I hope that this is the beginning of a great housing expansion at UCSD!” House said. “If there’s enough space to guarantee four years of housing, I won’t have to promise my firstborn to a La Jolla landlord just to sleep in the living room of a 300-square-foot apartment with 10 roommates.”
Others were more apprehensive about the project. “I’m mostly worried about the privacy of these so-called ‘solutions,’” said student Axle Stenial. “How am I supposed to shake my fist at the universe and yell into an indifferent void without disturbing my neighbors? I like that the paper-thin walls reflect the fragility of the human psyche, but they’re not very soundproof.”
A common concern among commuter students was whether or not there would be enough parking spots left for them on campus. Since no official parking solutions have been offered thus far, President of the Commuters’ Association Jessie Wrangler shared with a few of her own. “We could just drive through campus and leave our vehicles anywhere we please like the SPIN scooter riders do,” Wrangler said. “Or we could turn all the lawns on campus into parking lots. Nobody uses them except dogs and photographers anyway.” It is unclear whether the propositions will be considered by UCSD administrators.
Construction is set to begin this winter and is projected to finish by Fall Quarter 2033. Until a new system of billing is set up for these unique housing solutions, students will be required to pay $5.25 to exit their dorms each morning.
