Campus
We Don’t Need Seven More Colleges vs. But If We Have 13, Sun God Can Finally Ascend to His True Form
Point: We Don’t Need Seven More Colleges UCSD is a big school. Plopped on the cliffs of La Jolla, the top research university has an undergraduate …
New Study Finds Lost Keys, Scientist Appalled at His Own Creation
West says the next big step is finding where he last parked his car.Photo by Jack Yang R ecently it was announced UCSD can now boast about …
New Study Shows Mental Illnesses are Apparently “Not Moods”
Students were dismissive of the movement, with one saying “They should just be more positive.”Photo by Jay Noonan New findings from a study conducted by the UCSD …
Valentine’s Day Goes Paperless to Appeal to “Those Whiny Kids”
Kids lauded the move as a “true act of love” toward the Earth.Photo by Silver Wallace In a bid to reconcile outdated courting practices, major Valentine’s card …
Soldiers Enraged as Mouse and Keyboard are Disabled for Potential WWIII
Vargas complained that disabling mouse and keyboard would ruin his “epic 89% accuracy rate.”Photo by Jack Yang On Monday, January 13, US Secretary of Defense Mark Esper …
Local Biology Professor Loses Funding After Lab Stocked With Antibacterial Soap
Sources heard the bacteria protesters shouting: “Please, just one sneeze! We’re starving!”Photo by Jay Noonan Longtime cell biology researcher Alexander Conrad recently announced that his lab lost …
UCSD Student Proposes $300 AirPod "Earrings"
Following the release of the product, both ear infection rates and the model’s Instagram follower count reportedly skyrocketed.Photo by Sharon Roth Reports find that Apple’s wireless earbuds …
Local Student Caught Googling How to Painlessly Break Leg After Rumors of Military Draft
Before the hammer was swung, Krohner reportedly cried out, “Stop! Uhh, don’t you think a wrench would work better?”Photo by Sharon Roth Fourth-year Marshall student Tamara Krohner …
Hydroflasks Recalled, College Students Enter Withdrawal
Panlelo told reporters, “How am I going to stay awake during class if there’s no Hydro Flasks dropping every 15 minutes?”Photo by Sharon Roth On October …
Christmas Karaoke Night Turns Political
When arrested, Karen Fletcher reportedly yelled to her daughter, “When I get out on parole, you are SO grounded!”Photo by Jack Yang On Sunday, December 1, the …
