Andrew Sitko
Local Child Convinces Conservative Mother to Purchase Doom Eternal
Anderson later claimed that many of the Bible’s tragedies were times God forgot to quicksave.Photo by Jay Noonan Jeffrey Anderson, a 10-year-old resident of Del Mar, has …
Antifa Reported In Larned, Kansas
Antifa Reported In Larned, Kansas On the 19th of September locals of the small town of Larned, Kansas reported a mysterious stranger in a fedora and …
Student Activists Demand COLA, UC Replies, “Is PEPSI Okay?”
Pepsi Co reportedly plans to feature the protest in a new commercial.Photo by Jack Yang The University of California school system has issued an official response to …
Kratt Brothers to Reboot “Zoboomafoo” Using Original Actors
Kratt Brothers to Reboot “Zoboomafoo” Using Original Actors PBS has announced the return of “Zoboomafoo” with new episodes and an updated content style to appeal to …
Raccoon Themed “Pirates of the Caribbean” Ride Creates a Sinkhole in Sixth Parking Lot
UCSD officials apologized for disrupting “the foundation of trust” between students and faculty.Photo by Sharon Roth After a controversial decision by Chancellor Khosla to install a raccoon-themed …
Local Man Can’t Understand Why He Can’t Bring up Gore at the Dinner Table
After performing his “sausage as noose” routine for the fourth night in a row, Jason Roth reportedly told his disapproving mother, “What do you mean mom? …
Disney Launches Baby Rancor to Distract From Monopolistic Gains
Disney Launches Baby Rancor to Distract From Monopolistic Gains At D23, Disney released its newest project “STAR WARS: Greedo’s Gambit.” Kathleen Kennedy has released the following …
God vs. Kanye
“I decree Ye is King”
Promiscuous Frat Boy Misinterprets Title of “Halloweenie” Cookout
The fraternity reportedly had to cancel their upcoming hot dog fest due to this incident.Photo by Jack Yang First-year Austin Smang was arrested at the University …
“Joker” Leaves Local Incel Unsatisfied and Angry
“Joker” Leaves Local Incel Unsatisfied and Angry Local man Wade Hursh was spotted yelling and causing a disturbance outside of Reading Cinema in Mira Mesa earlier …
