Volume 32
Santa on Ozempic
“Ho, ho, ho, Ozempic,” sang Santa Claus. In a “shocking” development jingling the Christmas world, sources confirm that Santa Claus has been on an “Ozempic journey…
Myers-Quiggs Personality Test
Unhappy with your result? For a better assessment, check out the full quiz below!
Ditto AI Pivots to Circus Industry
“I saw a giraffe with two necks and no feet,” said one visitor. Widely regarded as the source of “all those annoying posters on campus,” matchmaking service Ditto AI has decided to take advantage…
Santa Claus is a Filthy Commie vs. Santa Claus is a Greedy Capitalist
Every year, this man parades around, spreading his communist propaganda, and is celebrated for it. Well, I won’t stand for it!
For goodness’ sake, this man spreads…
Grinch ‘Fucking Pissed’
“The true meaning of Christmas is now beating the shit out you people,” said Grinch. After nearly seven years away from the public eye, Ethan Toothstain Grinch, or The…
Science Fairs Replaced With ‘Correlation Fairs’
“If you would consult, well, if you were to consult…umm,” said R.F.K. Jr. In an effort to introduce the American youth to the new government-wide policy of “science shortcuts,” the Department…
