Volume 29
Local Student Stops Getting Gas, Car Still Runs “Just Fine”
Sophie Pubb, a third-year math major at UCSD, reportedly stopped filling the gas tank of her 1999 Honda Civic after two weeks of back-to-back midterms at …
Costco to Offer Medication Samples
“I love Costco,” said Davis. “I never knew prices so low could make me feel so high.”Photo by Farhad Taraporevala In a groundbreaking move last week, …
Horticulturists Discover Blue Pepper
Last week, Dr. Horton H. Wharton, the head of the UC San Diego Horticulture Department, announced his research team had discovered a new hottest pepper and …
Taiwan Bids to Be America’s New Asian Sweetheart in 2023
“Our company stands for ‘Taiwan Says ’Murica’s Cool!’” said the president of TSMC.Photo by Julia Wong In a statement released January 1, 2023, Taiwan announced a …
Biden Declares Bose-Einstein Condensate the New State of the Union
Tuesday night, President Joseph R. Biden shocked the nation during his annual State of the Union address when he declared that the United States would soon …
Student Discovers Their iClicker Works Like Remote from “Click” Starring Adam Sandler
“A, A, A, A, A, A, A,” said one affected professor.Photo by Amit Roth At the beginning of the winter quarter, second-year student Eva Graveller learned …
Doctoral Student Submits Thesis, Promises to Have Time for Other Things Now
Local student Philomena Doctersen finally submitted their thesis last Tuesday, which was met with equal celebration and surprise by friends and family. Dr. Fahrt, their thesis …
Health Influencer Launches Brand of Mercury Supplements
“Not only is this mercury great for my health, I also love the way it settles in my stomach!” exclaimed one customer.Photo by Sharon Roth Instagram …
Members of Pink Floyd Lose Almost Every Brick in the Wall Following FTX Collapse
“Hey Bankman-Fried, leave those kids alone,” said Money.Photo by Amit Roth The list of celebrities that have made public statements about losing significant amounts of wealth …
Local Man Makes New Year’s Resolution to Become Worse in Every Way Possible
“I won’t stop until I’ve kicked 101 dalmatians,” vowed Fleming.Photo by Sophie Pubb At the start of every year, many Americans resolve to improve themselves in …
