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You Missed Out on Something Really Cool Last Night vs. You Are a Failure

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Point: You Missed Out on Something Really Cool Last Night

By Kevin Koolidge
Amateur Meteorologist and Photographer

Last night was truly a sight to behold! As the sun began its fiery descent into the depths of the ocean, a rainbow suddenly arced across the sky! This made for just an unbelievable image, especially for those of us watching upon the shore.

Then, not 10 minutes after the sun bid us farewell with a green flash, we were treated to the most beautiful thunderstorm, which was a cacophonous symphony of electric power all around. It was bright enough to light up the entire beach, and near the end, we were lucky enough to witness ball lightning. It was ejected from the heavens like Lucifer falling from grace, flaming its way across the horizon. As this gorgeous show was going on, a red tide pulled in, and every crashing wave glowed with the aquamarine power of Poseidon.

Finally, the skies began to clear to a brilliant shower of meteorites streaking through the atmosphere. The meteor shower was dense enough that the entire sky seemed like a shimmering stretch of bejeweled fabric, waving in the cosmic wind. What’s more, every passing meteorite was easy to see, thanks to the total wolf blood blue super-duper-moon lunar eclipse. I caught the most amazing long-exposure photo, and one of the meteorites even landed by my feet — a gift from the heavens above.

As the meteorites began to make their way past our humble planet, we were graced by a truly awe-inspiring aurora borealis! This is incredibly rare to see from as far south as the La Jolla area. Climate change is getting a little out of hand, but it might just be worth it! Science is so cool.

Counterpoint: You Are a Failure

By Jim Portant
Businessman

You can’t be serious. I missed the flash-rainbow-lightning-shower-super-duper-lunar-aurora-tide again!? You know, I love to appreciate nature and all of her fascinating phenomena, but I’m a busy guy, and I am beyond disappointed by the constant failure of you astronomers, meteorologists, and marine biologists to adequately notify me of these moments of natural wonder.

Is it really too much to ask that I be kept in the loop when it comes to these things? After all, I am a true connoisseur of the cosmos, and it is nothing short of a travesty that I am repeatedly left in the dark, forced to miss out on these spectacular events due to a lack of proper communication.

For example, take the recent meteor shower I missed. Why did this happen? Because not a single astronomer saw fit to shoot me a text, even though they knew full well that I would want to see it. Or the red tide I missed just last week — that was a total disgrace! Those marine biologists should have been on top of it, letting me know exactly when and where it was going to happen. And let’s not even get started on the lunar and solar eclipses. How hard is it to notify me a few days in advance? The Greeks could predict eclipses without calculus or electricity!

And then there are the times when they actually do tell me properly, showing me an article in my newsfeed or pushing it through the grapevine of my friends, only for the sky to be overcast or the information flat-out wrong. Come on! How am I supposed to see the eclipse when it is completely blanketed with clouds? What about all the times I get my hopes up to see the red tide, and the ocean is just glowing blue? All too often I’ve headed out to some remote location, only to have my plans foiled by the fickle whims of Mother Nature.

In short, it is a complete failure of the astronomical, meteorological, and marine communities to properly notify me about these incredible events. If you don’t get your act together, I’ll make sure to cut your funding faster than a shooting star.

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