Volume 28 Issue 7
Geisel Renovation to Include New Crying Booths in Response to Rising Mental Health Concerns
Pitt said, “This whole time, I thought CBT stood for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Now I know it stands for Crying Booth Treatment.”Photo by Julia Wong Throughout …
Study Finds New Sixth College Students Don’t Know How Good They Have It
One spectator commented, “Wow, this feels like the third installment in a trilogy. I wonder if I could go onto TheMQ.org and find the prequels.”Photo by …
UCSD Cracks Down on Students Squatting in Unfinished Eighth College
“The swaying of the building in the night wind rocks right me to sleep,” Snak commented.Photo by Julia Wong For many universities across America, the end …
Sunny G Found Wearing CAPEs
“I’m beginning to suspect that Sunny G might be Sun God,” one student said.Photo by Julia Wong Earlier this week on Sun God lawn, Sunny G …
The U.S. to Start Broadcasting All Court Proceedings Following Popularity of Heard-Depp Trial
One attorney concluded, “I rest my case, just like I rest on this MyPillow.”Photo by Maria Dhilla Last Tuesday, the White House announced a new executive …
Scientists Discover Arizona Green Tea Is The Elixir of Life
Scientists Discover Arizona Green Tea Is The Elixir of Life A team of biochemists at UCSD recently discovered that the elixir of life is AriZona Green …
Chancellor Khosla Sleeps Through Campus Abortion Rights Protest
“Sleep is for the weak. Thankfully, it’s Thursday,” said Khosla.Photo by Sharon Roth In light of the leaked draft opinion on Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health, …
Photographer Protests the Use of SD Cards, Claims Art’s Beauty Is Fleeting
Photographer Protests the Use of SD Cards, Claims Art’s Beauty Is Fleeting Photographer Hito Sprintworthy made waves in the art world after traveling six months for …
Top Ten New Laws of Physics
Quarks now have genders If you hold your breath, you can look at the sun We’re all puppets controlled by 11th-dimensional strings Left-handed people can now …
Top Ten Fast Food Secret Menu Items
Top Ten Fast Food Secret Menu Items The pre-pickle The BLTG Gringo style Gummy worm pasta Homosexual special (only available in June) Sour cream and onion …
