Volume 27
Area Man to Resume In-Person Conversation Mid-June
After the party, Kalebloomsky said, “The dude I was talking to wouldn’t leaf me alone.”Photo by Sharon Roth It has been announced that COVID-19 restrictions on local …
Top Ten Pairs of Guests to Invite to Your Graduation
Top Ten Pairs of Guests to Invite to Your Graduation Simon and Garfunkel Your two most contagious friends The upper and lower halves of Darth Maul …
Top Ten Last Words
Top Ten Last Words Drunk driving? More like funk driving, hey-o! Haha, you’re on thin ice! Are you sure you put the poison in the other …
Top Ten Best Names for Your Beloved Racehorse to Show How Much You Cherish Them
Top Ten Best Names for Your Beloved Racehorse to Show How Much You Cherish Them Lyndon’s Big Johnson Horse Divorce Nightmare Nelson Piss Biscuit Pulitzer Prize …
Local Senior Procrastinates Having Senioritis
Murphy reported that his nervous system was working just fine because he is “so nervous all time.”Photo by Sharon Roth During a recent intervention staged by his …
Top Ten Abominations Made by The Swiss Army Corporation
Top Ten Abominations Made by The Swiss Army Corporation Swiss Army Spork Swiss Army Navy Swiss Army Nipple Piercing Swiss Army Wife Swiss Army Unstoppable Force …
Wizards of the Coast Announces New D&D Book: The Curse of QAnon
“Thank God I don’t have to keep homebrewing this sort of thing,” commented one tired dungeon master.Photo by Jack Yang At an investor meeting yesterday, Wizards of …
Ask Emily Queue
Emily Queue here answering your questions like: Can I still eat at Chick-fil-A? At what point is it cannibalism? Am I a fraud?
Speak Softly and Carry a Big Stick: A Guide to Becoming the World’s Best Golf Caddy
Speak Softly and Carry a Big Stick: A Guide to Becoming the World’s Best Golf Caddy Horace Scope, locally-renowned golf caddy, has begun the press tour …
The MQ Delicately Sniffles into a Handkerchief and Bids a Teary Farewell to Our Graduating Editors
As the year comes to a close, The MQ wants to honor those among us whose time at UCSD is ending. While we couldn’t find a good way to express our admiration and respect for them, we figured making fun of them should suffice. We present to you The MQ’s graduating editors, featuring actual words they’ve said during MQ meetings.
