November 1, 2023 Read it and weep profusely. Volume XXX Issue II

Volume 27 Issue 2

ArticlesLocalNews

Moviegoers Petition to Implement New “PP” Rating for Pre-Pandemic Films, Citing Dangerous Behavior

Written by: Maria Dhilla

Theaters have increased the number of showing times for Jim Carrey’s “The Mask.”Photo by Stephen Lightfoot A new viral campaign, called the PG-PP Movement, has emerged …

ArticlesLocalNews

Academic Integrity Office Overwhelmed by Instances of Students “Venting” During Exam

Written by: Melina Cruz

A hard limit was placed on emergency meetings called during quizzes.Photo by Sharon Roth The Academic Integrity Office has reported 425 new cases of students being …

ArticlesOpinionPoint - Counter PointPolitics

Politics Aren’t That Important vs. Yes, So You Shouldn’t Vote

Written by: Kaz Nuckowski and Megan Cox

Point: Politics Aren’t That Important By Benny Rourke Ambivalent Democrat/Moderate If you don’t want to vote, honestly it won’t bug me that much. I, for one, …

ArticlesCampusNewsTech

Research Finds That Masks Prevent Cartoon Pie Physics

Written by: Matthew Miltimore

Studies show that data from this research affects all but 3.14 percent of Americans.Photo by Jack Yang A recent report by the UCSD Institute of Public …

ArticlesCampusNews

Favorite Children’s Book Author Revealed to be Objectively Horrible Person

Written by: Aniela Drumonde

“Who knew that the man who conceived a world where native Oompa-Loompas are taken from their homes to serve a white businessman was actually racist?” exclaimed …

Briefs

Tom & Jerry’s Ice Cream Introduces New Flavor: Cheese

Written by: Sharon Roth

Tom & Jerry’s Ice Cream Introduces New Flavor: Cheese The beloved ice cream brand Tom & Jerry’s, based off the cartoon series by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, recently introduced …

ArticlesCampusNews

Revelle and Roosevelt Colleges to be Merged, Number of GE Requirements Doubled

Written by: Yuri Bukhradze

“At least I don’t have to worry about finding a job for the next six years,” one student said.Photo by Jack Yang Last Tuesday, during a brief …

Briefs

Local Friendship Ecosystem Endangered by Overfishing for Compliments

Written by: Aniela Drumonde

Local Friendship Ecosystem Endangered by Overfishing for Compliments Tensions between best friends Lacey Clegg and Katrina Hernandez reached a boiling point this Sunday after Clegg failed …

ArticlesLocalNews

Area Woman Living Alone With Three Cats Insists: “I’m Fine!”

Written by: Gage Tanzman

“Do we live just to die?” asked Monroe. “Meow,” said her cat.Photo by Sharon Roth The quarantining caused by the COVID-19 pandemic has stretched on for over …

Briefs

Leftist Suffers Brain Damage Seeing “More Lib Shit On Twitter”

Written by: Andrew Sitko

Leftist Suffers Brain Damage Seeing “More Lib Shit On Twitter” Twitter user @GayRevolverOcelot tweeted that they committed themselves to the local clinic, claiming they suffered brain …