Volume 27 Issue 2
Moviegoers Petition to Implement New “PP” Rating for Pre-Pandemic Films, Citing Dangerous Behavior
Theaters have increased the number of showing times for Jim Carrey’s “The Mask.”Photo by Stephen Lightfoot A new viral campaign, called the PG-PP Movement, has emerged …
Academic Integrity Office Overwhelmed by Instances of Students “Venting” During Exam
A hard limit was placed on emergency meetings called during quizzes.Photo by Sharon Roth The Academic Integrity Office has reported 425 new cases of students being …
Politics Aren’t That Important vs. Yes, So You Shouldn’t Vote
Point: Politics Aren’t That Important By Benny Rourke Ambivalent Democrat/Moderate If you don’t want to vote, honestly it won’t bug me that much. I, for one, …
Research Finds That Masks Prevent Cartoon Pie Physics
Studies show that data from this research affects all but 3.14 percent of Americans.Photo by Jack Yang A recent report by the UCSD Institute of Public …
Favorite Children’s Book Author Revealed to be Objectively Horrible Person
“Who knew that the man who conceived a world where native Oompa-Loompas are taken from their homes to serve a white businessman was actually racist?” exclaimed …
Tom & Jerry’s Ice Cream Introduces New Flavor: Cheese
Tom & Jerry’s Ice Cream Introduces New Flavor: Cheese The beloved ice cream brand Tom & Jerry’s, based off the cartoon series by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, recently introduced …
Revelle and Roosevelt Colleges to be Merged, Number of GE Requirements Doubled
“At least I don’t have to worry about finding a job for the next six years,” one student said.Photo by Jack Yang Last Tuesday, during a brief …
Local Friendship Ecosystem Endangered by Overfishing for Compliments
Local Friendship Ecosystem Endangered by Overfishing for Compliments Tensions between best friends Lacey Clegg and Katrina Hernandez reached a boiling point this Sunday after Clegg failed …
Area Woman Living Alone With Three Cats Insists: “I’m Fine!”
“Do we live just to die?” asked Monroe. “Meow,” said her cat.Photo by Sharon Roth The quarantining caused by the COVID-19 pandemic has stretched on for over …
Leftist Suffers Brain Damage Seeing “More Lib Shit On Twitter”
Leftist Suffers Brain Damage Seeing “More Lib Shit On Twitter” Twitter user @GayRevolverOcelot tweeted that they committed themselves to the local clinic, claiming they suffered brain …
