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Top Ten Ways to Make Sure Your Vote Gets Counted

  1. Vote several times just to make sure
  2. Ask very nicely
  3. Show up in person with no mask—they’ll know who to put you down for
  4. Copy your friend’s answer
  5. Hand your ballot to your county clerk with a 20 dollar bill and wink
  6. Eat it, pass it, and when the UCSD COVID-19 sewage screening people see it, they’ll send it in
  7. Be a corporation
  8. Put yourself in the envelope
  9. “One vote, ah ah ah, two votes ah ah ah”
  10. You can’t—the election was yesterday

The MQ is the premier satire magazine at UC San Diego

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