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ArticlesLocalNews

Moviegoers Petition to Implement New “PP” Rating for Pre-Pandemic Films, Citing Dangerous Behavior

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Theaters have increased the number of showing times for Jim Carrey’s “The Mask.”Photo by Stephen Lightfoot A new viral campaign, called the PG-PP Movement, has emerged …

ArticlesLocalNews

Academic Integrity Office Overwhelmed by Instances of Students “Venting” During Exam

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A hard limit was placed on emergency meetings called during quizzes.Photo by Sharon Roth The Academic Integrity Office has reported 425 new cases of students being …

ArticlesOpinionPoint - Counter PointPolitics

Politics Aren’t That Important vs. Yes, So You Shouldn’t Vote

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Point: Politics Aren’t That Important By Benny Rourke Ambivalent Democrat/Moderate If you don’t want to vote, honestly it won’t bug me that much. I, for one, …

ArticlesCampusNewsTech

Research Finds That Masks Prevent Cartoon Pie Physics

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Studies show that data from this research affects all but 3.14 percent of Americans.Photo by Jack Yang A recent report by the UCSD Institute of Public …

ArticlesCampusNewsTech

New Research on Whale Sharks Revealed to be “Gentile Gentle Giants”

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After praying to the golden calf, the whale sharks were seen engaging in whole-hog BBQ.Photo by Sharon Roth Researchers at UCSD’s Scripps Institute of Oceanography have made …

Briefs

Local Woman Rage Quits Over Van Incident

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Local Woman Rage Quits Over Van Incident This past weekend, local congresswoman Chessy Bengal held a rally for the upcoming election in hopes to secure a …

Skyboxes

Senator Binks Resigns

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Embroiled in sex scandal

ArticlesLocalNewsPolitics

Denny’s Twitter Account Granted Human Rights

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The ruling has redefined what it means to be human, causing many to have “eggsistential crises.”Photo by Sharon Roth The landmark Supreme Court ruling ‘Denny’s v. Thomas’ …

Briefs

“World’s Best Grandma” Card Written in 2007 Still Holds Up

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“World’s Best Grandma” Card Written in 2007 Still Holds Up In 2007, Meghan Cax, who was six years old at the time, wrote a card for …

ArticlesCampusNews

Favorite Children’s Book Author Revealed to be Objectively Horrible Person

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“Who knew that the man who conceived a world where native Oompa-Loompas are taken from their homes to serve a white businessman was actually racist?” exclaimed …