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Moviegoers Petition to Implement New “PP” Rating for Pre-Pandemic Films, Citing Dangerous Behavior
Theaters have increased the number of showing times for Jim Carrey’s “The Mask.”Photo by Stephen Lightfoot A new viral campaign, called the PG-PP Movement, has emerged …
Academic Integrity Office Overwhelmed by Instances of Students “Venting” During Exam
A hard limit was placed on emergency meetings called during quizzes.Photo by Sharon Roth The Academic Integrity Office has reported 425 new cases of students being …
Politics Aren’t That Important vs. Yes, So You Shouldn’t Vote
Point: Politics Aren’t That Important By Benny Rourke Ambivalent Democrat/Moderate If you don’t want to vote, honestly it won’t bug me that much. I, for one, …
Research Finds That Masks Prevent Cartoon Pie Physics
Studies show that data from this research affects all but 3.14 percent of Americans.Photo by Jack Yang A recent report by the UCSD Institute of Public …
Top Ten Things You Almost Forgot About in 2020
Top 10 Things You Almost Forgot About in 2020 The sensation of a lover’s caress The Alamo The apocalyptic boom of a HydroFlask hitting the floor …
Top Ten Ways to Ascend
Top Ten Ways to Ascend Unlock repressed childhood trauma Put on a sweater fresh from the dryer Consume the elusive 3% milk Push every door marked …
Top Ten Forbidden Dining Hall Meals
Top Ten Forbidden Dining Hall Meals Chicken tendrils The Pines Cockroach Salad™ Cough Drop Gushers The ready-to-eat sushi sold at the markets Chocolate cupcake with garlic …
If 2020 Fucked Everyone, Then How Come I’m Still A Virgin?
By Trenton Toland Freshman Incel When I heard the Fox News Financial Analyst say “2020 fucked everyone,” my initial thought was, “Sweet! Now I don’t have …
Top Ten Ways to Make Sure Your Vote Gets Counted
Top Ten Ways to Make Sure Your Vote Gets Counted Vote several times just to make sure Ask very nicely Show up in person with no …
Former “Gifted” Student No Longer “a Pleasure to Have in Class”
“Sometimes I feel like I peaked in preschool,” lamented Livens.Photo by Sharon Roth In first grade, Amanda Livens was reportedly labeled a “talented and gifted” student. 12 …
