Volume 23 Issue 1
Area Man Realizes after Four Hours That He’s Not in the Turn Lane
Tim Douglas, 47, ruined his family dinner last Sunday after he accidentally pulled in behind a parked car instead of getting into the right turn lane …
Top Ten Problems Hiding Under Your Kitchen Sink
A smaller kitchen sink Your downstairs neighbors The bleach and ammonia are getting too cozy together Your foot — you’ve been stuck here for hours The …
Top Ten Reasons to Love Election Years
You really love seeing rich white people tell you why they’re exactly like you Stealing yard signs is your favorite pastime You were in danger of …
Top Fifteen Similarities Between Meeting Your Roommates and the Cuban Missile Crisis
Created a rift of tension for the next 40 years You were an hour late for it You went into it with the intent of imposing …
Top Ten Similarities Between a DMV Office and the Mariana Trench
You can pee anywhere and no one will care At least the water cooler is full Threat of drowning, in paperwork or otherwise Both are Paul …
Classmate Boldly Repeats Professor
The podcast for the COGS 101A class from September 23rd caught flack earlier this week for wasting students’ time by having an apparent glitch which caused …
Area Brain Found in Vat
The lid of a dark vat was surprisingly lifted for the first time early last Friday, to reveal an apparent passageway into an unknown space of …
Jason from Third Floor to Be Your Best Friend for Life
Analysts predict that Jason Mathis from the third floor, who you met coming into your dorm on move-in day, will be your best friend through your …
Bounty Hunter to Choose Between Love for money, Target
Local bounty hunter Leland Chappy set out to arrest Areana Slony to obtain a 45,000 dollar commission but unexpectedly found himself conflicted over his newfound love …
