Volume 22
Undeclared Major Impacted
UC San Diego announced yesterday that it is declaring its “Undeclared” major impacted due to record enrollment and unprecedented demand for the major. This comes after …
Study Finds Men More Masculine Than Ever
Men have been found to be manlier than ever, as reported by a recent scientific study. Researchers attribute this increase in manliness to factors including the …
Area Cat First Ever to Catch the Red Dot
Guthrie Jagermanjensen, a seven-year-old British shorthair from Claremont Mesa accomplished the “glorious feat” of catching the red dot that has eluded cats around the world for …
Disgruntled Tour Guide Leads Group Up Peterson Hill
In an ongoing campus tour, third-year undergraduate tour guide Irene Montani led her 24-person tour group up the entirety of Peterson Hill in frustration at her …
Top Ten Things You Didn’t Expect To See at Black’s Beach
Good, wholesome family fun Oscar-winner Tom Hanks on a raft with a volleyball My goddamn tax money Apparently birthmarks are back in style All four members …
Top Fifteen Similarities between Your Iced Coffee and Your Nagging Mother
You always feel the need to poop 15 minutes afterwards Part of Dad’s morning ritual Cause of a screaming match with the Anaheim Starbucks barista Freud’s …
Top Ten Issues of the 2064 Election
Androids only worth three-fifths of a vote Whether two dogs can get gay-married to a slippery slope Kanye West declared a deity, separation of Church and …
Top Ten Similarities Between Jury Duty And Getting an Enema
You have to watch a video from 1977 explaining the process first “My sister died and this is all you’re doing about it?” It’s not fun …
Top Ten Reasons Why OxiClean Couldn’t Quite Get That Stain Out
You still haven’t made your five easy payments of $9.95 It’s not a stain; it’s modern art. Please sir, you’re at the MOMA, get out OxiClean …
Chrome Bug Releases Incognito History To Your Parents; “I Can Explain”
Last weekend, Chrome’s most recent bug, “Bedbugiezz,” sent extensive incognito web-history lists to parents. Flabbergasted and unable to form words, like always, pre-teens across the nation …
