Volume 22

Briefs

UCSD Football Player Dies of Head Trauma

Written by: The MQ

In a sad turn of events, Peyton F. Bawl, UCSD’s star quarterback player has succumbed to his injuries and died. Bawl was UCSD’s hero in its …

Briefs

New Study Finds Nothing Really, Like, Matters, Dude

Written by: The MQ

A new study from the Institute of the Pacific found that like, when you think about it dude, none of this shit matters. The study was …

Briefs

Scientists Finally Uncover the Mystery of Dog Reproduction

Written by: The MQ

A recent study by the University of California, San Diego Biology department has revealed, after so many years, just how canines reproduce. This discovery was facilitated …

Briefs

Supreme Court Makes Historic Decision, Language of Love Not a Recognized Dialect

Written by: The MQ

The Supreme Court passed down a landmark decision last month, ruling that the “Language of Love” was not a dialect in the eyes of the US …

Briefs

Study Finds Slamming Tables to be Cause of the United States’ Strength as Nation

Written by: The MQ

A new study found that the act of standing up during corporate meetings and frustratingly lashing out by slamming one’s hands on various conference tables is …

Briefs

Gas Prices at Record Lows, Still Higher Than Your GPA

Written by: The MQ

Last Tuesday gas prices finally reached a record low, after dropping steadily for the last few months. Unfortunately for you, however, they still haven’t managed to …