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A new study from the Institute of the Pacific found that like, when you think about it dude, none of this shit matters. The study was conducted over a 12-week period, measuring the lives of several test subjects in the United States. The study found that, regardless of their income, profession, or marital status, all of the subjects would eventually “just be, like, goddamn dead one day, and like, there’s no point.”

These results agree with earlier conclusions reached by Boston University, who in 2010 claimed that soulmates aren’t real, and even if you die surrounded by family and loved ones, you die alone.

The study also concluded that most people on Earth are “total jackoffs” and “just punch the fucking clock day in, and day out, just to buy shit [you] don’t even need, man.” When reached for question, representatives of the Institute said, “We’re all just working for the corporations.”

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