UCSD Football Player Dies of Head Trauma


Written by: The MQ

In a sad turn of events, Peyton F. Bawl, UCSD’s star quarterback player has succumbed to his injuries and died.

Bawl was UCSD’s hero in its time of need, leading the football team to an undefeated 16-0 streak this past season, taking the team straight to the top of the NCAAFLCSO standings. Bawl reportedly had endured repeated head trauma throughout the season from being slammed into the boards over and over, and without treatment it developed into a life threatening disease. It wasn’t until the World College Super Championship game when Bawl was actually diagnosed with the rare head condition, Firstitis Downulosis, or as it’s more commonly known, Larry Bird’s Disease, a head condition which disables all function of the eyes, ears, and toes.

Bawl was loved by many, from his family to his friends to his dedicated fans who credit him with the revitalization of UCSD sports. Bawl managed to break 17 college football records in his time at UCSD, including most home runs scored in a game with 18 home runs, as well as the greatest number of yards bowled in a season.

Bawl died last Monday in writhing pain surrounded by weeping alumni, and was buried with his beloved racket last Thursday.

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