- You always feel the need to poop 15 minutes afterwards
- Part of Dad’s morning ritual
- Cause of a screaming match with the Anaheim Starbucks barista
- Freud’s failed business predicted everyone wanted them
- Sometimes get your name wrong
- Somehow get both more bland and bitter over time
- All the other ones are hot
- There was probably some point in your life you couldn’t survive without them
- Pair well with whiskey
- After a while they just leave a bad taste in your mouth and a headache
- 80 percent water and 20 percent caffeine
- Represent an increase in suburban gentrification
- Doesn’t dissolve sugar well
- Complicit in proliferation of wage slavery in third world countries
- Won’t do anything to change lack of internal motivation
Last modified: February 3, 2019
