Briefs
Busy Student Forced to Schedule Mental Breakdowns
After crying for five hours straight, ERC student Josie Lilian made the life-changing decision to add mental breakdowns to her already busy schedule. “As a student …
Bottomless Pit Found Not to Be Bottomless
A small pebble was tossed into a large, seemingly bottomless pit early last week by third grade student Darius Macondo. The pebble has reportedly not yet …
Research Shows Your Childhood Bullies Were Right
New research released by the Psychological and Brain Science department at SDSU has revealed that your childhood bullies were right. The study conducted by Alex Bullebak …
New Charity Delivers Medical Benefits of Marijuana to Prison Inmates
With recreational marijuana now legal in California, benefactors are looking for ways to deliver its benefits to a wider audience. A group of college students have …
Local UCSD Student Finally learns Roommate’s Name
Second year UCSD student Neil Caiman told reporters he recently noticed a fourth apartment-mate living with him that he had not accounted for just last night. …
Pluto the Pup Takes Siege of Disney, Establishes a Plutocracy
Pluto the Pup, the Disney character owned by Mickey Mouse, told reporters yesterday that he has decided to incite a coup in order to become the …
Local Man Concerned About Politics, Does Nothing About It
In light of recent national debates for and against gun control, as well as proposed changes to education in America, California resident Harrison Argant contacted reporters …
Democrats Denounce Trump, Call for Preferred Authoritarian Leader
Congressional Democrats celebrated this month after two major political achievements in January. They succeeded in passing a bipartisan bill which will maintain the Bush-era practice of …
Lazy Area Reporter Wants To Tell You but He Really Can’t
Some time ago, area corporate worker Jane Doe traveled to Main Street, Downtown Anytown USA to do some things. On the scene, witnesses reported seeing Jane …
Eagles Fans Disappointed in Super Bowl Win: “We’ve Peaked”
This past Sunday, the Philadelphia Eagles won their first Super Bowl, beating the New England Patriots decisively 41-33. Local Philadelphians, after rioting and turning the Liberty …
