Briefs
Hobby Lobby Makes Lobbying its Hobby
The Oklahoma City headquarters of prominent evangelical arts and crafts corporation Hobby Lobby has ordered a surprising course change in the company’s direction, with the company …
Headlines Found To Be Most Frequently Read Part of Article
In a surprising study, researchers have concluded that the most read part of news articles, regardless of their content, are headlines. The study also found that graphics …
Study Finds Josh
Area middle-aged slacker and unreliable reporter Josh finally decided to show his face again late Monday afternoon after missing a whole three weeks of work and …
Area Man Loudly Announces He Will Spend Summer Vacation on Venus
Last Tuesday, without any prompting, local student Chad Richardson loudly announced that he was going to go somewhere “new and exotic” over the summer break. Richardson …
Upcoming 2018 Blue Wave Turns Out to Be a Tsunami
After extensively studying the recent voting trends, political scientists and climate scientists have concluded that the imminent “Blue Wave” in the upcoming elections is in fact …
Metal Bands Rush to Site of Fire in Hopes of “Bitchin’ Photoshoot”
Tens of black-grunge and grind-crust metal bands flocked to the site of last week’s deadly Santee fire in hopes of capturing some “brutal” album covers. The …
Local Woman Saves Trash for Art Project She Will Use “Later”
Local woman Sarah Plehra was spotted Saturday picking up some trash. She claims she is “going to be able to use it in an art project.” …
Busy Student Forced to Schedule Mental Breakdowns
After crying for five hours straight, ERC student Josie Lilian made the life-changing decision to add mental breakdowns to her already busy schedule. “As a student …
Bottomless Pit Found Not to Be Bottomless
A small pebble was tossed into a large, seemingly bottomless pit early last week by third grade student Darius Macondo. The pebble has reportedly not yet …
Research Shows Your Childhood Bullies Were Right
New research released by the Psychological and Brain Science department at SDSU has revealed that your childhood bullies were right. The study conducted by Alex Bullebak …