Written by: Mishelle Arakelian

The Oklahoma City headquarters of prominent evangelical arts and crafts corporation Hobby Lobby has ordered a surprising course change in the company’s direction, with the company now aiming to expand its personnel numbers and redirect them towards lobbying efforts. The arts and crafts supplier will retrain all employees to emit a political message meant to persuade politicians to  “protect women from birth control,” “convert the gays,” and “correct falsehoods about our purchase of $1.6 million worth of artifacts from the Iraqi government.”

Steve Green, current company president and son of the founder of Hobby Lobby, has stated in a recent interview that he does not distinguish between business and belief. “God’s given us the ability to be very successful in our business,” Green stated. “And I think, to some degree, that means it’s our duty to be as aggressive as possible in shoving our beliefs down everyone’s throats.”

Since all of these employees are being converted into lobbyists, Hobby Lobby has made the decision to immediately relocate all of its personnel to D.C., and house them in the Museum of the Bible.

Social/Publicity Chair at The MQ

Mishelle Arakelian is a third-year Political Science major and Law and Society minor. One time she rejected an internship with the Obamas due to a scheduling conflict.

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