Articles
Local Student Avoids Rent by Barricading Himself in North America Hall
In a last-ditch effort to save money, ERC student Arin Jackson barricaded himself in North America Hall late last night. Though initially dismissed as a practical …
Secretary of the Interior’s Attempts To Shrink Yellowstone Thwarted by Bear Cub
After two weeks of conversing with petroleum companies, conservationists, legal authorities, President Trump, and his own wife, Secretary of the Interior Ryan Zinke finally got the …
EDITORIAL: The U.S. Abandoned the White Working Class, Now Two Government Goons Are Gonna Raid My Homestead
The upstanding, white, rural, patriotic, liberty-lovin’, hippie-hatin’, community has been left behind. Neglected. Taken for granted. How do you “Snapchat fiends” say it? Ghosted. I’m no …
Jacobs School of Engineering to Open New Social Engineering Major
The prestigious Jacobs School of Engineering at the University of California, San Diego announced this week that it will open up a brand new Bachelor of …
Gaping Hole in Area Woman’s Fishnets Threatens to Expand to Her Butt Crack
Last Thursday night, local news vans crowded around the perimeter of Athena Minral’s apartment after a rumor centered on the current structural integrity of her leg-wear. …
High School History Teacher Imprisoned for Violating Second Amendment
A Florida instructor is the first person in the nation to be detained for violating the Second Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. Following a suggestion by …
New Artificially Intelligent Chairs Develop Strong Opinions on Politics
This month, the tech company “Chairish.” has come out with a leap in artificial intelligence technology. Designed for the typical American family, Chairish.’s new dining room …
Point/Counter Point: I Found a Typewriter and Now I’m an Esteemed Author/Please Stop Breaking Into My House
POINT: I Found a Typewriter and Now I’m an Esteemed Author It has been several days since rediscovering a grande typewriter, and I have revitalized my desire …
Social Media Companies Fix Fake News Problem, Nothing Changes
After being alerted to the issue of false stories spread online, companies like Twitter, YouTube, and Facebook systematically purged all publishers of fake news from their …
UCSD Student Literally Couch Surfing To Avoid Rent
Police were confused last Sunday when they investigated what appeared to be a landmass constructed of old couches tied together and tethered to a pier. When …
