Area Student Buys Maximum Amount of Dining Dollars, Receives Fame and Glory


Written by: Stephen Lightfoot

“Wait ‘til you see what I did with the gyudon,” Cecil said.
Photo by: Stephen Lightfoot

In an email sent out to students this past Friday, HDH announced that they were honoring Kay Cecil — an incoming Revelle student who was reportedly the only person to buy the largest dining dollar plan at $4,056. “My options were limited,” Cecil began, “but I thought to myself: the difference between the plans is only $400. That’s chump change. I might as well get a few extra mochas before I need to use the ol’ Amex,” she said, flashing her Centurion Card. Since the email, HDH has dedicated a plaque in Cecil’s honor which hangs in the lobby of its main offices. “I’m amazed,” one employee said. “I mean, the option is there, but we didn’t think anyone would actually click it. Like, who the hell would pay $4,056 for what’s essentially Monopoly money?”

In a few short days, Cecil had become a campus-wide celebrity and gained a tremendous amount of respect after purchasing her friend a pizza from OVT. “My pockets are deep and my coffers are full,” Cecil remarked, shrugging nonchalantly. “Could you imagine if I didn’t buy my friend that pizza? With my kind of cash? It would just be wrong. If I like someone, I’m gonna have the cash to back it up. After all, I’m a charitable person.”

“What I like about her is that she has a strong moral compass,” one Sixth student commented. “She may brag from time to time that she has so much cash and that she’s better than us in quite literally every way, but she also does the right thing at the end of the day. And I respect that.”

However, other students have gone beyond praise and tried to emulate Cecil herself. One such student is Jessie Rosa, a third-year who is living off campus this year. However, due in part to Cecil’s rising popularity, Rosa and her roommates have decided to buy a community dining plan anyways. “I was sitting around with my friends one day and we all decided that we wanted to try to do good like Kay. So, we all took out more student loans and bought more dining dollars. Some people may say that we’re being ridiculous, but sometimes you just gotta look around at your peers and say, ‘If I’m not going to give money to HDH, who will?’”

While Cecil maintains her status as a Dining Dollars Thousandaire, HDH has recorded an all-time high for amount of money received. In a statement, a spokesperson for HDH stated that HDH was “extremely grateful for all the help” and they told students that their funds would “most definitely be put to good use.” Some examples included hiring more overworked, minimum-wage workers, and finding more corners to cut in food quality. “We here at HDH will leave no stone unturned if it means making a profit,” the spokesperson stated. “Because the reality is — even if it’s hot garbage, you’ll still buy it.”

Editor in Chief Emeritus at The MQ

Stephen Lightfoot is Editor in Chief of The MQ.

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