Articles
It’s Too Soon to Start Playing Christmas Music vs. I Never Stopped
Point: It’s Too Soon to Start Playing Christmas Music By Dr. Bob A. O’Riley Chairman of the Committee for National Holiday Declaration I cannot believe you …
I Got Salmonella From UCSD Dining Halls vs. We Don’t Even Serve Salmon!
Point: I Got Salmonella From UCSD Dining Halls By Sam O. Nella Hungry Student This is ridiculous. I pay God knows how much for housing (which …
1,000 Dead in the War on Christmas
By Xander Goldman Proud American It’s no secret that life is getting tougher for conservative, Christian, patriotic Americans like me. Still, it’s a tough pill to …
Injuries Sustained After Ice Rink’s New “No Skates Saturday” Deal
Photo by Jack Yang Tragedy struck last Saturday after Ricky’s Ice Skatin’ ice skating rink instituted its new “No Skates Saturday” event in an attempt to bring …
UCSD Implements Inclusivity “Mxndate”, Enforces Binary “Mxntality”
Photo by Sharon Roth After months of anticipation and several strongly worded email from campus TERFs, UCSD is finally rolling out their “Inclusivity Mxndate.” Chancellor Khosla …
Breaking News: Animal Spotted in Local Forest
“It’s like a Pokémon… but real,” explained Buttage.Photo by Maria Dhilla Late on Thursday night, UCSD sophomore Peter Buttage noticed an unidentified animal in a eucalyptus grove …
Khosla Releases New “Crypto And Kitchen Exchange” Plan to Replace Dining Dollars
“I don’t give a shit about all this talk of legal tenders,” said Hamburg, “I just want my goddamn chicken tenders.”Photo by Jack Yang In light of …
Movie Producer Approves Movie Adaptation of Its Novelization
“If you haven’t read the book and watched the movie, you’re not going to get this one,” claimed one fan.Photo by Sharon Roth In their newest press …
Girls With Crystals to Reignite the Salem Witch Trials
“Tarot cards? This is a taro latte,” said one of the “witches.”Photo by Sharon Roth Self-proclaimed “witches” are over fire after burning crosses, voodoo dolls, and other …
UCSD Students Become One with Racoons During Dining Hall Crisis
“This tastes like trash,” said Vingh. “Thank you,” said the raccoon.Photo by Maria Dhilla This year, understaffed dining halls have struggled to provide service to a record …
