Articles
UCSD Reveals Sun God Is Pansexual in Celebration of Pride Month
UC San Diego is reportedly editing Dawn of a Deity for release in Florida.Photo by Julia Wong On June 1, UC San Diego sent out an …
Tom Cruise Is the Last Gen X Babygirl
I take my coffee black with salt, carry cash, and drive a manual car. I shook hands with George Lucas once, and Al Pacino made eye …
New LinkedIn Jobs Update Released: LinkedIn Cogs
“I preferred getting ghosted,” said one LinkedIn Cogs user. “At least I could be righteously angry about that.”Photo by Maria Dhilla Last week, in response to …
What Hath God Wrought Has Been Spelling Out Something Else This Entire Time
“I figured out the first piece of the puzzle,” said one What Hath God Hidden member. “They’re using Morse code.”Photo by Amit Roth Recent controversy has …
UCSD Is Honoring the Contract from the 2022 Strike vs. It’s the Year 2040
Point: UCSD Is Honoring the Contract from the 2022 Strike I have kindly decided to honor the tentative agreement from the 2022 strike. UC San Diego …
Famous Star Canceled for Creating Nuclear Power Plant
“Getting a chance to sit down and talk with the Sun was enlightening,” said one journalist. “They’re not as bright as they seem.”Photo by Sharon Roth …
Professional Sports Have Become Predictable
What’s the deal with sports these days? When I was a kid, there were still new narratives and new agendas being pushed. We had Michael Jordan …
Professors Start Evaluating Students Through New GRADE Program
UC San Diego is currently considering ways to incorporate GRADEs into students’ cumulative GPAs.Photo by Maria Dhilla After experiencing success with the CAPE program, professors have …
GPT-5 Beats Kobayashi Maru Test, Joins Admiral Kirk
“I’m sorry, Dave. I can’t beam you up right now,” said CadetGPT.Photo by Maria Dhilla On May 26, OpenAI announced the completion of their GPT-5 large …
Werewolf Woman: The Invisibility of White Femininity
Heads up – this feature is from our special Cosmopolitan issue. As such, it may not come across as it was originally meant to in print. …
