Articles
BTS Member Declared Missing In Action; Reunion Delayed
Biden has reportedly promised “only the softest and sweetest of kisses for these poor, dear boys.”Photo by Farhad Taraporevala In an urgent press conference, HYBE Corporation …
Marshall Student Gets ‘Just OK’ Haircut
“Get 11 haircuts and your 12th one is the same price as the other 11! Wouldn’t want youto stand out,” said one local barber.Photo by Liv …
Ohio Does NOT Claim JD Vance
Now I don’t usually comment on politics, but something must be said about Senator Vance. In the Midwestern spirit of sharing hotdish ’fore dishing it out, …
It’s Paranormal, Not Parasocial
I have been getting a lot of rude and judgmental comments from the other townspeople that I really don’t appreciate, so I would just like to …
UCSD Student Uses School Health Insurance
“I’m really glad people are finally starting to use our resources!” said UC Health oozeologist Alexander Dribble. “We’ve seen an ∞% increase from zero to one …
Birch Aquarium to Partner with HDH to Recoup Losses During Renovation
“Some of these fish will kill you, but so would some other dining hall food,” saidFoodworx employee Jade Diaz.Photo by Erica Rosslee This month, Birch Aquarium …
The Internet Has Made Me a Better Person
People can be complicated. How is it that every time I go on TikTok I can’t avoid some random content creator who I’ve never heard of …
Marines Vow to ‘Do Better,’ Apologize to San Diego Community
“Don’t worry, I’m not just teaching the kids the alphabet,” said Sergeant Major Major. “They’re also learning how to liberate oil.”Photo by Jordan Whitlow Last Wednesday, …
UCSD To Be Sold to Satan
“Damn it… or is that too soon?” one student asked.Photo by Jordan Whitlow Since becoming the subject of much controversy after his alleged mishandling of the …
Separated Couple Fights Over Divorce Attorney
“The scales of justice swing both ways,” said Bernice Parentson.Photo by Theo Erickson A recent string of anonymous forum posts on a legal advice website have …
