“We hold students coming from the most diverse backgrounds to a higher standard, because we know they need it,” said Chancellor Pradeep K. Khosla.
Photo by Liv Gilbert
A recount of the U.S. News & World Report Best College Rankings was called when the University of California system released substantial data from its San Diego campus. Previously unranked in the Most Diverse Universities category, UC San Diego skyrocketed to #2 overnight, topped only by the student body of Pre-Reagan Memorial College. Notes from a charette confirmed this to be a monumental milestone on the school’s path to becoming a privilege-free campus by the end of the decade, and it is owed to what has been described as the “ingenuity” of the Analytical Writing Program.
“AWP fucks,” admissions counselor Angelo Saxton shared at the banquet celebrating the completion of the aforementioned charette. “You know how we’ve kept the student-to-faculty ratio low by advertising section sizes instead of whole lectures? It turns out that this other stat can also be boosted with the help of our marginalized individuals! We at UC San Diego have curated the ultimate, hyper-diverse classroom setting where students who are the most international, underserved, and marketable can come together to take our narrative to new heights.
“How it goes down is that when you first apply to UCSD, we have you submit this thing called the ‘Entry Level Writing Requirement.’ Super chill, all you have to do is find a place in your neighborhood that offers an SAT or AP or whatever test, pay for it, score high enough on it to prove you know English, then finally submit that alongside the rest of your well-written UC application.”
Those who are unable to provide a qualifying exam score may still be admitted to the university on the condition that they enroll in the AWP series. “It’s called AWP 3 because it’s a three-strike system, see? If you chicken out of taking it your first fall quarter, you’ll just get sent to 4A and 4B — the 20-week version of what you’re supposed to be able to do in ten. If you somehow fail that, you get to take AWP 3 not once, not twice, but three times in a row! Fumble those chances? Ah, go on and take a gap year to practice our English, why don’t you?” Saxton, who had been reportedly stringing red threads between bulletin boards at the banquet, paused to admire his work.
The final Summary and Synthesis portfolio is reviewed by two instructors who vote on whether the student passes or does not pass; on a split, a third instructor is called to be the tiebreaker. Once a student passes, they are cleared to take a rigorous College Writing Program like CAT or DOC. Students enrolled in AWP have spoken of both the disproportionately high external pressure to avoid dropping out and of unprecedented internal roadblocks to finding a community within academics. “This school cares, just, so much about my success,” said first-year literature major Simela Path. “We’re the winners of this cream-of-the-crop prom, and oh boy, have I been crowned with madness. The readings drag on longer than our lectures, and though the class size might be small, there’s no section. My professor’s been the only real point of contact. It’s isolating. How can I put these scholars in conversation with one another if I can hardly even commiserate with my classmates?!”
“Can you think of something better?” Saxton asked aloud at the tail end of the banquet as patrons were leaving. “Our social justice warriors should be glad that we even admitted them to begin with. We at UC San Diego are providing them the chance they need to prosper in the professional world. So a toast to AWP! For carrying the identities we’d rather do without.”
