News
New Study Shows Mental Illnesses are Apparently “Not Moods”
Students were dismissive of the movement, with one saying “They should just be more positive.”Photo by Jay Noonan New findings from a study conducted by the UCSD …
Method Actor Revealed to be Crippling Alcoholic Revealed to be Method Actor
Fellow actors claim Dunne is still not over his gambling addiction from “Guys and Dolls.”Photo by Sharon Roth Local San Diegan method actor was recently found …
Local STEM School Reforms Anti-Bullying Policy to Focus on Nerd Perpetrators
“They make fun of me because I can’t prove Fermat’s Last Theorem,” said Toyle.Photo by Jay Noonan In an attempt to curb bullying tendencies, an elite STEM …
Gamers Encouraged to Vote with “Primary Ballot Any-Percent” Speedruns
Counting issues were later reported due to people clipping through the wrong parts of the ballot.Photo by Jack Yang With voter turnout expected to be extremely high …
Freshman Fails in Search for Crush’s Mysterious Boyfriend Who ‘Doesn’t go here’
Jacobs said, “If she has a boyfriend, then why does she keep popping up on my roommate’s Tinder?”Photo by Sharon Roth Joel Jacobs, a first year in …
Florida Crocodiles Sue Croc Brand Footwear Over Trademark Dispute
The court struggled to find jurors unbiased towards Crocs.Photo by Jack Yang After years of dispute, a group of Florida crocodiles is filing a discrimination lawsuit against …
Disneyland and UC System Compete for Highest Prices
UCSD and Disney are also currently engaged in a trademark dispute over the name “King Triton.”Photo by Sharon Roth With spring and summer break just around the …
Valentine’s Day Goes Paperless to Appeal to “Those Whiny Kids”
Kids lauded the move as a “true act of love” toward the Earth.Photo by Silver Wallace In a bid to reconcile outdated courting practices, major Valentine’s card …
Area Man Just Waiting for an Opportunity to Talk About the Horses Outside of PF Chang’s
“I don’t know who I am anymore without the horse” says Chou, when asked by officers to get off the horse.Photo by Jack Yang Local man Devin …
Local Man Can’t Understand Why He Can’t Bring up Gore at the Dinner Table
After performing his “sausage as noose” routine for the fourth night in a row, Jason Roth reportedly told his disapproving mother, “What do you mean mom? …
