News
“Men Are Just Funnier,” Claims Man After Saying a Woman’s Joke, But Louder
When asked where he gets his material, Ackerson said, “I dunno, it just kinda comes to me.”Photo by Jack Yang A workspace dispute escalated at a local …
Spider Ready to Make Giant Web in Your Living Room Disappointed Your Family Didn’t Go on Vacation This Summer
“Uh … let me be clear,” said Barachnid Obama, “We need to get this family out.”Photo by Jack Yang Local spider Barachnid Obama, in a recent “Charlotte’s …
Florida Man Goes Inside for the First Time in Months
When asked about his pet alligator, Florida Man remarked, “Gator? I hardly know her!”Photo by Andrew Sitko The subject of many reporters’ interest and psychologists’ bafflement, Florida …
Local Student Floods Childhood Home to Remember Life on Campus
Mahone’s father later commented that he was concerned that the family’s finances “would be in deep water after this stunt.”Photo by Jack Yang Mark Mahone, a second-year …
A Letter Regarding Coronavirus
Dear Valued Customer, We’ve been carefully watching and tracking the progression of this pandemic since the very beginning. At a Company You Gave Your Email to …
Survey Finds Majority of College Students “Gastronomically Unprepared” for COVID-19
As an increasing number of students are forced to stay home, experts are reportedly concerned about an imminent spike in home fires.Photo by Sharon Roth With no …
Out of Basic Necessities? Shoot Your Greedy Neighbors.
I think it’s fair to say that life has been a little bit hectic these days. With the shelter-in-place orders still in full effect, people have …
Six-Foot Social Distancing Recommendation Means High Schoolers will Finally “Leave Room For Jesus” at Prom This Year
One student was confused as to why Jesus was suddenly on board with a public health policy based in science.Photo by Jack Yang Oak Grove High School …
New Guy in Town “Definitely a Time Traveler”
After a dead butterfly was logged as evidence, the sheriff’s department issued a statement urging city residents to report any future events that could have gone …
Student Activists Demand COLA, UC Replies, “Is PEPSI Okay?”
Pepsi Co reportedly plans to feature the protest in a new commercial.Photo by Jack Yang The University of California school system has issued an official response to …
